I Love Sundays...

True story. Sundays and Wednesdays. Two favorite days of the week. Although admittedly, I love Fridays and Saturdays, too. ;] But Sundays and Wednesdays are like, my two check points in the week, two days that I KNOW I'll have time to spend in the Word, with God, and with His People. It's a time for me to evaluate myself and my life and my intentions in prayer, like our pastor has been talking about.

Pastor Tim has been doing this incredible series on prayer, on the power of prayer and the heart of a believer. He's been talking about how God is faithful to hear the prayers of the believer, and that we ought to pray always, without fainting or growing weary, and we talked about the parable of the Persistent Widow today, in Luke 19, and how if the unjust judge will listen to persistence, how much more so will God, who is just, and who does care. It's been really cool to me, but he's been talking too, about the heart of the believer, and the intentions of the believer. Do we pray to God like He's just a magic genie so He can grant our wish, or do we pray with a genuine heart and concern for HIS will, with the knowledge and peace that HE knows better, that He will answer as HE sees fit? Do we pray earnestly "Not my will, but Thine, oh God?" That's been hitting me hard. I don't pray nearly as often as I should, considering what a privilege it is. Considering the image of us entering the Throne Room of God, it's sorta humbling. When I approach Him, do I do so with the correct amount of awe and fear, in addition to the love and trust? Do I acknowledge ALL parts of Him, the part that is God of the Universe, Who hung the stars in the sky, in addition to the friend and the father who picks me up when I fall? And when I pray, do I really give it over to God and ask Him to do with it as He will, or do I ask him to do with it as I will? It's just been a really interesting study on prayer. I've been loving it.

I've been so awed by the community of believers I've found here. It's something I've never had before, at least not to this extent, and ESPECIALLY not of kids my age. It's been cool to realize that I'm not the only teenager in the world striving to live for God and follow His will for my life. It's freeing in a lot of ways because I finally feel like there's a community of people who will be there for me and pick me up when I fall. It's just been so amazing, and such a blessing, and I hope and pray that I'm a blessing to that community the way they are to me.

I was seeing today, too, one of the kids from my youth group. We were singing...well, I'd never heard it before, but this kid from my youth group had a hand up in praise. Normally this is something I'd consider really "charismatic" but I guess I'm kind of getting used to it, and it was cool to me, because I felt like this kid was so genuine, so given over to his faith. It was just cool to me and kind of awe inspiring, and I realized how attractive that is, to see faith in a person. I don't even particularly like this kid, I mean, I love him to bits, but I don't like like him, you know what I'm saying? But it was just super attractive to realize how genuine he is about his faith. I feel like we are so lacking this day in age in teen disciples of Christ, and especially of Christian guys who are willing to lead a Christian family, who are striving after God. It seems like I may even have read somewhere at some point, in Salvo magazine, maybe, that there genuinely ARE less guys living for the Lord than girls. Maybe I'm making that up, so don't quote me, but I'm PRETTY sure I'm not just pulling that outta my hat. ;] lol.

And I've been thinking about and realizing how peaceful I am with where I am in my life. God is pressing it upon my heart today that I am thankful. Which I guess it is the season. =] But I'm thankful for all the people I've been meeting, through school and through church, and I'm thankful for friends, and I'm thankful for my sister and brother in law for letting me live with them, and I am SO thankful for parents who were listening to God and who were willing to let me go when He told them to, even though I don't think it was particularly what any of us expected or wanted at the time. It was right, though. God knew what He was doing. I feel like even my worst days here are so much better than the normal days in Wibaux. I'm not gonna say the worst days here are better than the best days in Wibaux, because I had good days in Wibaux, and I have fond memories, and that is what I will hold on to. The good memories I have of the place and of the people and there will always be an attachment.

It's sort of weird, because a year ago, if you asked me where I'd be in fifteen years, there wouldn't have been any hesitation. "I'll be back in Wibaux, working the farm and my horse business, whatever that might be." And then there was the phase when I started to realize that maybe God wasn't going to put me back in Wibaux, and it was kind of devastating and terrifying. It was something I'd been so sure of all my life. The first few years outta high school were going to be turbulent and crazy and I had no idea where I was going to be, but the end result was always back in Wibaux. Now....well, I don't think that's the case. At this point in time, I don't think God wants me back in Wibaux. And I'm okay with that. In fact, I don't particularly even wanna go back! Of course, if that's where God calls me, that is where I will go. Hopefully with no hesitation. But at this point, I really don't think that's where God wants me. I don't know where He IS going to send me, at this point, and like I said, maybe He WILL send me back to Wibaux, but I don't think so. And if He does, I will be okay with it, because I've seen God's faithfulness in my life. I've seen His hand of guidance and I've felt His presence, and I've seen how God works ALL things for the good of them that love him and are called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28) I know that wherever God sends me, even if it's hard, it's going to be something wonderful, and more than I ever could have expected or imagined for myself. Like the move to Dickinson. Terrifying, hard, seemingly impossible, but in the end, right, and wonderful, and I know part of that wonder is simply in being where God wanted me to be. It's being inside His will, resting peacefully in the palm of His hand, instead of beating against His fingers trying to get Him to let me go, which of course, He never will, because He's God.

That's sort of an interesting picture, isn't it? Imagine with me for a second...God holds us in the palm of His hand, yes? And we who believe in security of the believer believe He never ever lets us go once He's holding us. But picture then, said believer, beating against the hand of God, trying to get outside of God's will, and do things his way, because, as humans, we always think OUR way is better, yes? Isn't that a funny picture? But that's essentially what we do when we try to deny God and do it our way, instead of just doing as God has told us to. I hope that makes as much sense to you as it did to me. It sort of exemplifies the silliness of trying to do our thing instead of just sitting back and letting God do His.

This has been a novel, and I promise that I'm wrapping it up, but I just have one more thing. You know the boy I've been telling ya'll about in past blogs? Well. I've been praying for him continually. In fact, story! lol. At preacher in the patch, not last night, but the night before, Ron Evitt (A preacher in the patch...oil patch, that is! [; )) was saying that in Plentywood, a woman came up to...I don't like to say represent, because that suggests that SHE could accept God for someone else, but to come and stand for someone else, in a public display of prayer for them, basically, to show publicly, as people went up to publicly receive Christ, that she was praying for someone else. And it struck a chord with me, this show before men of lifting someone else up. And again, I don't like to say show, because it makes me think of the Pharisees and doing everything for show, but to admit before men, the way the Bible tells us to. I'm not making much sense here, but I hope you guys are picking up what I'm laying down. At any rate, that struck a chord with me, and so not last night, but the night before, I went forward for this friend, to give a prayer, basically. And it was neat to see God work, because that night I had an opportunity to share my faith with this friend. I told him I was going to bed and good night and that I love him, like I do basically every night that I talk to him, and he asked me "Why?" and I said, "Why do I love you? I don't know exactly. Why does anyone love anyone else? I'm not sure it's something you can pinpoint. But I think you're an amazing person, and I don't know, I just love you." It was a lot shorter than that, of course. And he said, "Me, amazing? lol no. I'm a terrible person." And I basically just had this chance to tell him well, so am I, and so is everyone else, and bottom line is, we ALL deserve to go to Hell. And I told him that it's not that I'm some great person, it is strictly through God's grace that I am the way I am. God changed me and redeemed me. And he said "Ugh. I've changed for the worse." And I said "I don't think it's so much that you've changed as that you HAVEN'T changed. And God wants to change you. He DIED to save you." And I didn't really get a reply, and I knew he was partying so I thought maybe he'd passed out or something and I was like, "Oh, well that's brilliant." Well, I don't know why he didn't reply, but apparently he was dead sober, and so last night I asked him to just think about what I had said, because it was important to me if nothing else. It's just cool to see God working in His life, and to see God answer a prayer, I guess I feel partly because I was willing to go out on a limb. And I don't want to build myself up or anything, but I'm just trying to say that God acknowledged my prayer, and I hope the prayer of other people, too, because I've asked a bunch of people to pray about this with me. It's just cool to see God moving. On the other side of the coin, it's sort of hard, because I know part of him is breaking. And I know that it's necessary, but still, it's just hard to see someone hurt like that, to see someone who's seeking so hard, even if they don't really know it. And I can feel his pain. I've been a Christian basically all my life, but I still had to be broken before I could be useful for God, before I could be effective. And I'm thankful God DID break me then, because if He hadn't, I wouldn't have made it through this summer, and I honestly truly believe that. If my faith had been what it was when God broke me, when I was struggling, I don't know where I'd be, but my faith would NOT have been strong enough to pull me through. And so I know that if God is breaking my friend, He's doing it because He HAS to to reach him, the way He had to break me to truly reach my heart and get me on fire for Him, and I know it's for the best, but I know how much it hurts, too. But I'm okay with it, because I know if my friend allows God to work, he'll be thankful for it someday, too.

So. I'm really done now. This is CRAZY long, but it was fun to write, and I hope you enjoyed reading it. (Just remember, I certainly didn't MAKE you [; ) and once again, I'd ask you to pray. If God is breaking my friend, pray that he's willing to give it over to God in the end, that he's willing to acknowledge that God is the only One who can pick up the pieces again. And pray for me as I try to minister to him, and try to help him see God. Pray that I would have the words to say, that I would be open to God so that it wouldn't be me speaking at all, but God speaking through me.

Love you all so much, and thanks for wading through this big long blog with me. ;]

In Christ,
Erika Rose <3

xoxo =]