First in a While...

So, I haven't had a lotta computer access the last couple weeks.

Yesterday was Schnell, which is a park over in Richardton, and it was fantastic. I started riding a bay mare named Maddie. She decided she wanted to try and throw in a little itty bitty buck when I asked her to lope. So. I got to deal with her little fit attack. It was grand fun. I think Shayna thought I was crazy. I was just laughing so hard because it was such a half hearted attempt to buck me off. So I had grand fun with that, and then I got on Britches, who was a spazz. She was extremely herd bound, so any time her buddy Princess wandered off, she started spinning circles on me, and trying to back up, which, on a narrow trail didn't works o well for her. Once again, call me crazy, but I had fun.

Then today I got to see Viva and ride her out. It went fantastic. She's in New England, North Dakota with a guy named Parker and his wife and kids. I went out at about noon and got her saddled up and did some ground work. Then she pretty much stood tied all day while I hung out with Heather and Shane, the oldest boy, and when Parker got home, we took her out along with a gelding he's training for Heidi named Gambler. Gambler bucked pretty hard with Parker.

It was so fun to watch him. I always enjoy watching a good rider work a bronc, and I think Parker is probably one of the best riders I've ever met. Like, I think he can sit anything. Gambler kinda jumped outta no where today and Parker wasn't expecting it and it got him off balance. I thought he was gonna be gone; most people would be. Next thing I know he's dead center and smacking him with the quirt trying to get him to buck harder! lol. It's pretty fantastic. Anyway, Viva did FANTASTIC. I was so excited.

We walked and trotted. She's still learning to carry herself with a rider, and I think she's over reaching, which for all my non-horsey friends mean that she's reaching too far with her back feet and stepping on or kicking her front feet. Horses that do that can cause a lot of damage to themselves because at a trot or a canter there's a lot of force in those back feet. For instance, today, I'm pretty sure Viva caught herself today and even cut herself a bit. Hopefully that's just her learning to carry a rider and she'll sort of "grow out of it." Other than that, though, she did FANTASTIC. Didn't buck, trotted without a problem, didn't spook even when we had pheasants pop up right under her nose. We even walked over a big horse eating bridge. =D She was amazing.

So basically, today was an incredible day and I can't wait to get out and ride her again, which won't be until Thursday, unfortunately.

xoxo,
Erika Rose <3

Of Books and Homecoming and Plays

Well. Firstly. New blog!

http://erikasbooklust.blogspot.com/

It's basically just a place for me to keep track of the books I've read, so I guess if you're curious about my tastes or need ideas for books to read or whatever, I'm going to be recording at least some of them there. Maybe not all of them. ;] Or author ideas. The first post is probably going to be an author. So anyway, there's certainly no obligation to read it, but I sorta liked the idea.

Second! HOMECOMING! Ohmygoodness. It was crazzy. Went to the first half of the football game (Oh, I have to remember to tell you the story about my student pass card!) and it was close. Left at half time to go get pretty. lol. Came home and changed and Holly spent like an hour doing my hair. It was AMAZING by the time she was done. Seriously, it was incredible. Better even than the picture I had in my head! lol. Then pictures, and then I went over to meet my friend Rachel at her house, and more pictures, and then we went to the dance. It was crazy. Way more people there than in Wibaux. (Obviously) lol. Wandered around, had to shout to be heard over the music. The DJ kinda sucked at first, played lame songs that were impossible to dance to. Then it got better. lol. Truthfully, it was a pretty uneventful evening, actually. Got home at like 12:30 and then actually stayed up even later high lighting all my lines in my script!

Which leads us to my next topic. The play, East of the Sun, is going to be AMAZING!!! I'm so, incredibly excited. The blocking looks like it might be a nightmare, not to perform, but for the director to figure out! I even get a signature move, complete with amazing sound effect. ;] The props, the set, the whole thing is just going to be so so fun. I'm jazzed.

And. That's all I have for today.

xoxo,
Me <3

Half formed ideas...

There's so much going through my head right now I don't even know where to start. I guess I'd just like to start by saying that guys irritate me and are an incredible waste of time. Most of the ones I know are stubborn, irritating, they ALWAYS like me when I don't want them to and try to jump the friendship ladder, and...just...GAH! I don't even know where to begin. Why do all the guys I DON'T like fall for me? And naturally never the ones I do? I'm not so worried at this point about the guys I like because there isn't one at the moment. Still, guys liking me...talk about awkward! And irritating and it always makes me feel bad because I Just feel like I'm gonna break their heart. Guys are so incredibly stubborn. And now I'm going to freak my mother out. =P I speak truth, though, there's no worries about me in getting into any kind of trouble with guys because 90% of the time, they just make me angry. =P

In other news, I don't know how many of you guys watch America's Got Talent, but you may have heard of Prince Poppycock? Well. He's...absolutely terrifying. Like. Worse than Lady GaGa, and she frightens me terribly, too. But at least she doesn't dress up like a man. At least she always looks like a woman. (Despite the accusations that she's actually a man, I personally don't think so...Look at what she wears...It'd be pretty obvious.) Prince Poppycock, though (okay, this name ought to tell you something, no?) He's basically a transvestite, and I just think it's an atrocity that he is in the Top 4 of America's Got Talent. I feel like it's a symbol of what America is becoming. He even did a rendition of the National Anthem (I think? Or some other really patriotic song) along with Yankee Doodle Dandee, and it just made me want to SCREAM! THAT is representing America? THAT is what society is voting for? Way back when, he probably would have been..well, I don't know what, but I don't think he'd have gotten away with it. Certainly not happily. He certainly wouldn't have been embraced. Once again, look at what society is becoming!

I know people are going to scream at me about being "tolerant" but the fact is, I am not tolerant, and they're certainly not going to be tolerant of me. MY belief is that what he is and what he is representing is sick and wrong. I do feel a little guilt to be degrading him like this, because I know he's a person, too, and he deserves love and blah blah. I know that, I agree with it. But as I said before, HE himself has become the exact opposite of what I believe (I'm sorry I can't think of the word I'm looking for. It will hit me at 2 in the morning, I promise. lol) And I guess it's not so much HIM I have a problem with. In all honesty, I feel sort of sorry for him. I feel like that is the defining of the word "lost" in the flesh. It is the epitome of someone who is godless and lightless and, as I said, ultimately lost. But (isn't there always a "but"?) I DO have a problem with with he represents, which is totally against EVERYTHING I believe to be true (But they're not going to be tolerant of THAT belief, are they?) and I have a problem with the fact that he is representing America. That this is what your children (I can't really say OUR children, as I don't have any) and my generation is watching. That is one of their role models. To me, that's a shame.

I'll probably get in all kinds of trouble, because this is rather controversial, and someone is probably going to stumble across it and sue me. That would suck. But. I guess one thing the documentary has done for me, is that I'm not very afraid of voicing my opinion (obviously =P).

And again, I think this is more of an issue with society than it is with one person in particular. I think it's sad that society is as accepting of this as they are. He is on the Top Four of America's Got Talent, for goodness sake! This is being, not only accepted, but EMBRACED, ENCOURAGED, by society. And Once again. I think it's sad, and I think it's just yet another sign of what the nation is coming to...

SO I may have to delete this. lol. I really am kinda paranoid about a law suit now. :P (Sadly, I can actually see it happening!) but I'll at least leave it up here for a couple days and let people get a good look at it.

Also, if you don't know who I'm talking about, go look him up...I'm sure he's on Youtube. I'm sure the people reading my blog will come to the same conclusion I did....

xoxo,
Me

I Just Love Exhaustion

Not. That was a serious case of sarcasm there. Seriously. I went to bed at like, 11 last night, which was too late, but isn't TERRIBLY bad. But I didn't get to sleep until at least midnight, maybe later, and I got up at 6:30 this morning. Which I'm rather proud of myself for, I might add. I haven't gotten up later than 6:30 on a school day in the last..well, only two weeks, but still! I've been doing devos pretty faithfully, too. =] And I feel really good, as well. It's amazing what it does for you.

Exhaustion aside, today was a pretty fantastic day. I got a part in the school play, East of the Sun. Ancilla the Ice Witch. I guess the run down is this Princess (The Princess of the Long Nose, who is atrociously ugly) bribed me (The Ice Witch) into basically setting her up with the incredibly handsome Prince Nordo, in exchange for a crystal that shows the future. Then the Princess decides she wants Nordo turned into a "part-time" bear, just during the day, so none of the other girls will steal him, and he ends up running away and winds up with the heroine of the story, Raindrop (I think that's her name!) And. Well. Yeah. That's a summary of what it's about. It's an old Norwegian Folk Tale, and I actually read a book based on a similar tale called East. That book was amazing, so I think it'll be good. The play is something of a comedy, so I'm rather excited. The director informed me today that my costume will be sparkly and he wants to find a crown along the lines of what the Ice Witch in Chronicles of Narnia wears. I was excited. ;] lol

There was also the first FCA (Fellowship of Christian Athletes, which is just a name and is in no way for only athletes) well, thing today, I guess. They just gave out free hot dogs and burgers over lunch hour, but they meet every Tuesday, and YFC (Youth For Christ) meets on Thursdays, so I'm rather excited about that. =D I have a couple friends who go, too, so I'm pretty stoked.

Homecoming is this weekend! I'm pretty excited about that, too. I think I'm going with a couple of girlfriends. Wearing a dress of my sister's. Oh the wonders of sisters who are similar(enough) in size! lol!

And. I guess on a darker note, I've been thinking the last couple of days about society, and what it's become. Mr. Jambor, my Applied Animal Science and the FFA leader was talking in class today about how great FFA is and how it teaches values and yadda yadda. Which is great. But in a way, I kind of feel like the organizations are trying to compensate for a lack of parenting? Do you get what I'm saying? These organizations, like FFA are trying to teach ethics and some sense of moral and integrity, which don't get me wrong, I think is fantastic! But I think they're trying to make up for what is NOT being taught to America's youth in the home anymore. I think it used to be very much the parents' job to instill a sense of right and wrong, a sense of moral and a strong code of ethics in their children. Now I think schools are trying to make up for that, and they're failing. Not so much is it a failure on their part as that it's just not how things are designed. These things are supposed to be taught in the home, and in no way can a school system truly make up for a lack of parenting. Not ultimately. And I think ultimately, my generation is paying the price.

All these girls winding up pregnant or people in general with STDs, because no one taught them any different. Nobody showed them the benefits of saving yourself for marriage, or the costs of giving your body away. Nobody has tried to tell them that drunkenness is wrong and not to mention stupid, and so ultimately, the generation is reverting back to its roots: it's reverting back to the old sin nature and the desires of the flesh, and that is what society is SCREAMING it at them. Society tells us all the time that this is how things are supposed to be, this is what you need to do, even going so far as to say that there's something wrong with you if you do dare to be different. I guess I don't speak so much from personal experience, but society in general is definitely this way, there's no doubt about it. But society is made up of homes, and I think that's where America today is lacking. These kids, too, lack stability. They're parents are druggies and/or alcoholics or whatever the case may be, and they basically get shoved out on their own and get left to their own devices.

I'm having a hard time drawing a conclusion to this one. Probably because I am so tired. I guess what I'm trying to say is I feel sort of sorry for these kids who go out and party for fun, who binge drink because it's the thing to do, who have sex before they're married because nobody told them any different. Not to mention marriage itself is mocked and scoffed at these days, not to mention divorce (which just goes along with it no longer seeming sanctified) but that's a whole DIFFERENT topic that I won't get started on.

Now that I have rambled sufficiently for the day, I'm going to go...I don't know what. Maybe over to the coffee shop for a caffeine kick. ;]

xoxo
Me.

New Hearts

I don't know what I'm thinking about tonight, exactly. There's been sort of a half-formed idea rolling around in my head all day. Maybe if I start to write about it, I'll be able to really get it out.

Basically, I was just thinking today, thanks to the sermon, about how we aren't made perfect when we are born again, but we ARE given new hearts, and a DESIRE to be perfect, even though we can't possibly be on this side of Glory. And I was thinking about how we are told to strive to be holy, as Christ was holy. And the passage where Paul was talking about basically being two people, old man and new man, and wanting to do the right thing, but not doing it, and therefor never doing what he wants.

And so I guess basically, we aren't perfect, but we get new hearts that DESIRE to be perfect, and, thankfully, God's mercies are new every morning and He lets us start fresh on our journey to becoming holy. In His eyes, as long as we're forgiven, we ARE holy, because we are atoned for. Now THERE'S a cool thought. =]

xoxo,
Me

Viva Las Vegas

Went and watched Bill Hecker work my horse today. It was amazing. She was going to the right (Which is where I was having problems) and looked really good. We laid her down (sounds really inhumane, I know, but honestly, it's good for them!) and mauled her. Not literally! Just rubbed her face and sat on top of her and all that jazz. She just laid there all chill. Untied her legs and she didn't even try to get up. We had to roll her up. maybe that's not such a great thing but I thought it was a pretty good sign? Meant she was pretty chill and okay with what was going on. And then I worked her. She sent to the right amazingly, and her whole attitude was different. I asked her to back off and smacked her a little, which usually results in pinned ears and a very nasty look in her eye, but today I just got one ear flicked back (Letting me know that she was annoyed) and the other stayed glued on me. Which means that she was super focused! And she was all joined up with Bill, which was fantastic. She was like, in his pocket, but in a good way. Not really being pushy about it or like this was just the motion without REALLY being joined up. She's decided that he's herd leader. I guess they had a pretty epic battle yesterday but I think it paid off. Here's hoping, anyway. -crosses fingers- Hopefully next week I'll be taking her back to Dickinson with me. If all goes well.

One Way Streets

I'm find as time goes on that I h ave a tendency to be a bit of an enabler; that is, I enable people to make a one way street from our friendship. You see, my mom and I, and I"m sure other people too, but I learned it from my mom, have this analogy (not the word I'm looking for, I know) about friendships and streets.

Friendship ought to be a two way street, with both people giving and taking equally. Now obviously, there are times when one friend needs the other more, or takes more, but eventually it gives out. I'm not saying it needs to be exactly even all the time, because that's never going to happen, and that's not how friendship works. Friendship expects little in return, and you do it strictly because you care about the other person.

However, I have a tendency to let people make one way streets out of our friendship. And it's basically always a one way street in which I am the one moving. I am always striving to be closer, initiating the conversation, making all the effort to keep in touch. One way streets where I'm the only one who's there for the other person when I know they wouldn't be there for me.

I allow myself to be an enabler. I end up getting used. Or I end up getting blown off, because I get paranoid and then I get clingy. Or maybe it's just because they don't feel a need to make an effort to maintain the relationship because they know I'll be there anyway, whether they maintain or not.

Either way, I am an enabler, I get myself into one way street friendships, and it needs to stop, because I just find it totally irritating. The end. =]

xoxo,
Me <3

To Make a Difference...

I've been meaning to put a blog up for days, now. Obviously I'm just now getting around to it. There's so much to write. I don't even know where to start. LA Ink is on the TV, my computer is crashed and therefor I'm on my sister's computer. School has been amazing. I have to give a speech next week and write a movie review. But I'm excited. I love that sort of project. Which is part of why I love it here. Drama try outs were yesterday, but I won't know what the castings are until Tuesday. That wasn't really what I wanted to write about.

Last week, on Sunday, grandpa gave this incredible sermon, about the verses in Matthew where Jesus said "Come to me, all ye who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest." He asked some great questions; what is rest? How do we get it? Rest, as Jesus was talking, is the rest of the soul, peace, no matter how troubling the times. And how do we get it? There were three things. First, we have to come. We have to come to Jesus, and allow him to take away our burdens, take away our sins, take away our shame. Jesus then proceeds on to say "Take my yoke upon you." So we have to take. And it doesn't mean so much TAKE as that we have to SURRENDER. We have to give everything we have to God, surrendering our entire LIVES to Him. And then we have to learn. We have to be willing to learn from Him, because when we learn from someone, we have a tendency to become like the person we're learning from. Isn't that what we're called to do? To be like God, to be holy.

The thing that just kept hitting me though, was the "come" part. How many people out there do I know, how many people do YOU know, who are out there, lost? How many people do we know who are searching, who desire to come, but don't even know what they're looking for; people who KNOW that they're incomplete, but who don't know WHY. I have friends who search for people to complete them, who think that people are going to complete them, make them happy. And I know someone else who parties, because they think it's fun. And maybe that's all they're looking for is a good time; I don't know. I'm not a mind reader. But I do know that they NEED God, and that they're lost. Maybe they know where to find it, and they've denied it. That almost hurts worse. I'm such a bleeding heart, and I hate seeing people hurt, and I hate knowing that they're lost...

And all of this leads me to think, what have I done? What am I doing? How much of a testimony is my life to these lost souls? Have I truly surrendered to God? Am I impacting them? Is my life, as I'm living it, a testimony, to them, and to everyone else around me? Am I different? Am I set apart? Where does God want me? What have I been called to do? Am I doing it? Am I having a positive impact on the lives of these people I care about so much?

Ultimately, what should I be doing? Am I in direct accordance to what God wants? Am I doing everything in my power to be holy? Is everything in me, every part of my heart and my soul and my BEING cleaving toward God?

Huh. Thoughts to ponder, I guess.

xoxo,
Me <3