Years Go By...

Well. I was just looking through old pictures as I moved all my photos into one album, looking over the past year. It certainly has been an interesting one, hasn't it? I had people leave. I had people change. I had new and wonderful people walk into my life.

It's been a crazy, wonderful, awful, terrifying year, all rolled into one. The reason I'm already thinking about this is that I saw someone's Facebook status the other day that said how Christmas is only x number of days away, and they're not ready to say goodbye to this year. But. I so am.

Last year, I was looking forward to this year. I couldn't wait. My attitude was bring it on. And what can I say but that I got what I asked for? Life brought it, and brought it hard. And like I said, it wasn't all necessarily bad, but it was certainly a hard year, in many, many ways. But I suppose every year is bound to be that way.

Even so, I can't say that I'm going to be terribly sad to see 2010 usher itself out the door. Next year may not be any better, but I will be optimistic and hope so. Mostly, I just can't wait to move on. Obviously I don't have to wait 'til New Years to move on, but there's just something fresh about the start of a new year, something, well, new. It's a blank page, the end of a chapter and the start of something new. And I cannot wait to start something new.

I don't know what this next year will bring, but good or bad, I am confident it will be wonderful all the same, because ultimately, God is control. 2010, you were not terribly kind to me, and I cannot wait to wish you farewell for good. I hope and pray that 2011 is better, and I am confident it will be. Looking back now, 2010 kind of got off to a rocky start, although I didn't really realize it at the time. This year, though. This will be better.

2010 brought a lot of change, and it had its rocky moments, as everything does, but in the end, it turned into something beautiful, if a little bittersweet. I can't wait to see what God brings in 2011. And so I know that we're still more than a month away, but 2011, I am looking forward to greeting you, and I hope that I can do it with an open mind and an open heart for whatever God has in store, be it trials or treasures.

xoxo,
Erika Rose <3

Romans 9

Oh dear. I've been thinking again recently about Elect vs. Freewill, which is something I've been considering for a long time. And what should I stumble across in my reading today but Romans 9, which is basically talking about God choosing. God having mercy on whom He wants to have mercy, , and in verse 19, it has basically my whole argument against election: How can God throw people into Hell if they had no choice about what they did. Here's verses 19-22: "One of you will say to me: "Then why does God still blame us? For who resists His will?" But who are you, o man, to talk back to God? Shall what is formed say to him who formed it "Why did you make me likes this?" Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purposes and some for common use? What if God, choosing to show His wrath and make His power known, bore with great patience the objects of His wrath--prepared for destruction?"

How do I reconcile that? Ugh. I guess that's my thought for the day. And if any of you feel like reading that chapter and posting your thoughts on the issue, by all means, feel free. ;]

xoxo,
Erika Rose

The End of the Rope...

I don't know what to do. He's hurting. He's aching. He's battling with God and hitting the end of his rope, and I can't help but hope that he's losing, because ultimately, he has to lose it to win it.

All day, it's been on constant repeat in my mind. "Please, God. Please, God. Please, God." I don't even know what I'm praying for anymore. Peace? Salvation? Belief in the fact that he IS loved? I don't know. I can't get into the specifics really, not in my head. I guess it's becoming a prayer of the heart, at this point. God knows what's there, what's written on my soul. He knows how much I hurt and ache, He knows what I desire and hope for and ultimately what I'm praying for, even if I can't put it into words.

Friends, I ask you to pray with me. I have a feeling we're getting close, and one of these days, he's going to swing one way or the other; he's going to let go. Let's just hope he sides with the right team.

Life Goes On...

So. My friend Dustin and I (You've probably seen Dustin stalking my facebook. ;] lol) were just having a discussion about life and friends and how it's hard to get kicked out on your own. And I said, well, the nice thing about life is that it goes on. And Dustin had this great analogy that we built upon, and we came to the conclusion that life is like a train. You can pick WHICH train to get on, which direction you're gonna go with your life, but once you're on it, you're on. You don't control the speed or the ultimate destination, just the direction. And you can choose where to sit, or what to do while you're on the train, but ultimately, the final destination is up to the conductor. Sometimes it's gonna be scary, and it's gonna seem like it's just totally outta control. There's gonna be some long, hard winters. But again, we can take heart, because life has seasons, too. It can't rain forever. Eventually spring will roll around. We can't possibly be grateful for what we have now if we can't see where we've been. The Spring wouldn't be nearly so lovely if we didn't know how miserable winter could be. Otherwise we'd just complain during the spring rain, instead of acknowledging that it's got nothing on winter storms, and taking advantage of the beauty of the rain and the thunder and the lightning. Just like I couldn't possibly be grateful enough for what I've found here in Dickinson if I hadn't been miserable before.

And so I guess take heart. No matter how disastrous the moment seems, the train WILL keep on rollin'. The world will keep turning, and when you make it out of the tunnel, you'll be able to look back and see where you've been, and see what God has brought you through, and be able to appreciate the things you have now, in this moment, all the more...

xoxo,
Erika Rose <3

On conditions of heart and body....

So, I've had a couple issues on my heart lately.

The first is my devotions. I've tried really hard to make a point of doing devos every morning, but half the time, I couldn't even tell you what I read that morning. In which case, I'm just wasting my time! What's the point of doing devos and trying to spend time with God if I'm not allowing it to change my life. It would probably help if I was making time to read my Bible, too, instead of just the devo book, but I don't know where to find the time! I barely have time to do my devo book in the mornings. By the time I get up, shower, and do everything else, I just don't have time! I guess I need to start getting up earlier, but I'm not exactly a morning person, and now I seem to be on a schedule. I get up at the same time every day regardless of when I set my alarm. lol. So. I guess that's my latest assignment, because, truly, what is the point of doing devos and spending time with God if I'm not making a real, honest effort to really READ, and to allow what I read to change my life, to allow GOD to change my life, through His Word. If I'm not allowing for that, I'm just wasting my time.

The other thing on my mind lately has been purity. We put a lot on bodily purity, because that's what people see, but I think we miss a lot of times, mental purity, spiritual purity. I'm starting to realize that purity is almost an attitude, in addition to a commitment and obviously, keeping your body pure and saving yourself for marriage. But I know girls who've "saved themselves" who haven't gone "all the way" but does that mean they're virgins? I mean, yeah, they're virgins; they haven't had sex. But emotionally, spiritually, are they virgins? What's the difference between what they're doing and just doing it? It was in my devo book a while back, actually, which is probably what got me thinking about it, and it used this analogy. Two couples are at a party, and one couple is just outright having sex, and the couple in the next bedroom is doing "everything but." And so it's not like God looks down and says "Wow, look at that couple. They're sure pure." It's basically the same thing. Because purity has to be a condition of the heart, as much as a condition of the body. I feel like it almost has to do more deeply with the heart than with the body, because if you've committed adultery and had sex outside of marriage, but you come to Christ, God forgives you, and He makes you new again, in which case, your BODY is still no longer a virgin, but hopefully heart-wise and certainly spiritually, in the eyes of God, you are considered pure. And if we're looking at it that way, I guess I feel like it's almost certainly an attitude and a pledge, as much as just keeping your body "pure."

I hope that makes sense to you guys, but I guess those are just the thoughts that have been rolling around in my head this past week or so.

Much love!
xoxo,
Erika Rose <3