Counting My Blessings.

So. I was going to clean my room. And then start on my Inductive Study Bible. But. I decided I was going to do this first. I want to take the time to count my blessings. Maybe I'll print it out and hang it on my wall. I don't know. But I want it to be a reminder to myself, and maybe to someone else, too, to be thankful for what I have, even when times get hard.

1. My Parents - So. Definitely at the top of the list are my parents. They are the most amazing people I know. Throughout the trials of the past weeks, they have stood strong, my dad especially. He has always been, and will always be, my rock. And my mom. Well, I love her more than anything in the world. Who else would get up when they couldn't sleep at 3 in the morning to read my Blogspot and then proceed to write me a letter on her thoughts on Election vs. Freewill, just so maybe she can help me find the answers I'm seeking. No one but a mother, I think.

2. My Friends Sarah. Danny. Brian. Melissa. Jen. I seriously don't know what I would do without these guys. Sarah is the one who lets me rant and rave, but most of all, who gets it, even where others might misunderstand. Danny, my other rock. Haha. The one who gives me perspective and reminds me that, no, my world is not falling apart, even though sometimes it feels that way. Brian. The one I know I can turn to if I ever need anything. I'm sorry we don't talk as much as we used to, but you are a blessing nonetheless. Don't ever forget that. Melissa. The one who's always been there. I'm so excited about whatever's coming for us. Jen. The one who got me into horses. The one who's always up for whatever I want to do. I know there are probably others that I'm forgetting, so please, don't take offense or anything. You're amazing.

3. My Family So these guys are probably underappreciated, but my sister, my brother, my grandparents, my aunts and uncles. I know we don't keep in touch all that much, but I know you guys are there, and I can't tell you how blessed I feel to have been raised in the family that I was, where faith and hope and love are all strong.

4. Church, and of course, all the people there. I seriously love my church. There's no where else that I get the shivers when I listen to the music, and it's where I most often take time to sit back and think, and listen. To evaluate my life and think about how the Bible applies to me, personally. And the people are incredible, too. There is such unity there. It's amazing.

5. Music So I know this probably sounds dumb, but I Don't think it is. And when I say music, I don't just mean the gift of music, the fact that I can sing or play piano (although I really can't) but music in general. For the songs that reach out to me and speak to me. Music has always been my forte, and I think it's always what I'm most open to. I think I probably feel closest to God when I"m singing, or listening to someone else sing. There are so many messages within music. I feel blessed anytime I hear it.

6. Horses Namely of course, Vegas. That poor horse has seen it all, and she has always been there for me. She doesn't like it sometimes, but she is. No one else on earth can give me wings the way she does. There's nothing to give me perspective like a good long bareback run. It's a haven for me, a place to get away from the crazyness of life and get things back into perspective again. A place for me. I seriously don't know what I would do without those equines.

7. The Little Things Honestly, I'm thankful for the little things. Like the roof over my head and the cell phone in my pocket and the iPod that's currently in my purse. My sight and my health, the health of my family and friends. I know it sounds goody-two-shoes and all, but I don't think people think about the little things in life.

8. Mercy If there is one thing that has stuck with me from church, it is that God's mercy is new every morning. I cannot get over that. That no matter what I've done the day before, I wake up in the morning and God allows me to have a clean slate. Yes, I might still have to deal with the consequences of yesterday's actions, but God allows me that mercy, that grace, that strength and courage. It's awe inspiring, isn't it?

9. Jacob Moore I know this is crazy, but I am so thankful for that little boy. That whole family, really, but Jake is a miracle in the flesh. Every time I look into those big blue eyes or watch him look at me and go "HI!" I remember that miracles DO happen. He is like, a living reminder to me of God's faithfulness, and of the power of prayer.

So usually people do ten. But. I'm running out. Well, I know I'm not, but these were the ones that came to mind. So I'm just going to leave it as is. And remember that "God works all things for the good of they that love Him, to them that are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

I can Feel the Pressure...

So life sucks. People don't realize sometimes how hurtful words can be. And I wish that we could all just move on. But I know it'll take a while. Still, I'm so sick of hearing about it. And and and. I wish he'd been there.

Prayer Request

Okay, guys. I'm breathless as I write this. It was so heavy on my heart that I ran all the way home from church. (Not THAT far, but enough to leave me breathless)

I have a prayer request for you guys. For a long time now, (several years) I've had this dream of going on a missions trip. The first year, I was too young, and in the two years (or however many) since, things have just come up, and it never really went through. However, this is something that's been on my heart for a long time. Usually things don't stick with me. I'm a very whimsy person. I want something on a whim, and then it passes. This hasn't. It's stuck with me.

I had always planned to do this through Brio Magazine, which was produced by Focus on the Family. You see, every summer, they staged a mission trip to various places, usually in South America. Things fell through with Brio, apparently, and they're currently working on getting things switched to Kor Ministries, as opposed to Focus on the Family. As a result, the magazine stopped going out, and the whole missions trip dream was, I guess sort of forgotten, shifted to a back burner, as happens so often.

I have no idea what Brio will be like now that things are changing. I believe that the missions trip was usually done through Focus on the Family, not actually by Brio, but I haven't looked yet. However, this is something that, despite being forgotten for a season, I believe has been put on my heart, with, I think, a stronger desire than ever before. We had some missionaries in, people from Ecuador, and it inspired me all over again, made me want to do this all over again.

So I'm asking you guys to pray. For guidance, for both me and my family, as we consider, and, if this is truly what God wants me to do (and I sincerely believe He does: like I said, I don't hold on to things like this for THIS long!) that He will open doors. That I can find a company to go through, and simply, like I said, that doors will open. Also, if this isn't what God has in mind (and it may not be, as the doors have yet to open, although I don't believe that means they WON'T) that I can get an answer, that I will feel peace, that I will know.

You guys are amazing. Thank you so much. I'll for sure keep you updated on the whole situation. =D

Much love,
Erika Rose

I Love

I love it when you're singing this song that you've been asked to sing. And you're not really feeling it. Sure, you can sing it, but you're having a hard time getting the song. And then you pray about it, and the song just absolutely grips you, and you feel it down in the very deepest parts of your soul. I love that, when a song grabs hold of you like that, and pulls you into the message.

And then the fact that I have been absolutely blessed with the ability to sing, so that I can give that message to other people, so I can give them the emotion that a song makes me feel, that I can show them what a song means to me. It is such a huge blessing, and all I can find myself thinking is "Why me, Lord? Why do I have this gift?" And from there, "Help me use it. Keep me humble."

It's kind of a heady feeling to get in front of other people. All I can hope is that I don't get carried away with it. Keep me humble.

We Struggle...

We struggle and we struggle, and we fight and we fight. We wrestle with God, and with ourselves, and with each other. And then there comes a point where we reach the end of ourselves, and all the fight goes out of us, and we feel drained and empty and we wonder what's left, and then we realize that in the end, all we needed all along was to give it back to God. To trust in His promises, to remember that He works everything for our good. And still, even resting in those assurances, we want nothing more than to fight it, than to struggle to make things turn out the way we feel they should, no matter how hard we tell ourselves we have to stop fighting, but we continue. And so it goes on and on and on....Does it ever end?

Dogs Truly Are Man's Best Friend

So. I was kind of frustrated this morning. And I came home from drivers ed and my dog is just laying on my bed. He picks up his head and kind of looks at me, and when I lay down next to him, he just plops his head back onto my arm. We stayed that way for a good half hour, and he didn't even look up when my dad went out the door, which is really unusual. Keai loves going out to the farm with my dad. I think he knew I needed him.

Dogs have that way about them. They know what we need, and sometimes they help us even when they don't really mean to. Keai didn't really mean to help me out. He was just laying there, killing time. But just in being there, he was a comfort. I think it's that they're so unassuming. Life's problems don't matter to them, they have no concept of grief, not the way we do. Even so, when you're crying, and they just give you this look, you know they're trying their darndest to understand, even though they can't really wrap their minds around the concept of anything other than the body being in pain. And they're there. Unassuming, not requiring anything. Around people, you have to talk, you have to do stuff, there's expectations. Dogs, and animals in general, but particularly dogs, they let you just be. Be you, be free, be whatever you're feeling that you can't let anyone else see.

Horses are second to none on my list of favorite animals, but there is no doubt in my mind that it's my dog that is my best friend.

I Wonder...

So. I was thinking today about the Christy Miller books because I loaned them to a friend of mine, and like, I loved them, because from the very beginning, you knew Christy and Todd were meant for each other. And sometimes I would get really frustrated because Christy would be an idiot and go after some other guy, but I didn't mind, because I was pretty sure that I knew the ending.

I wonder if that's how it is with God. The whole time we're living our lives, he has this little smile on his face because he knows how that part of the story is going to end. Like, I wonder if he feels like I did reading about Christy and Todd, only even more satisfied in bringing a couple together, because really, I was only reading the story. I didn't have any say in the matter.

Do you suppose God feels emotion? I mean, obviously he does, because it makes him sad when we sin, and he was angry enough with the people of Noah's time to destroy the world by water. So I suppose it's not bad to compare our measly human emotion to him, is it?

So I had to Laugh today....

So. I get all dressed up for the movie, right? Like, my hair is all done up and my makeup is on, and I'm wearing a pair of (my mom's) high heeled boots. And then I get a call from David, who's stuck in Buffalo, SD (haha, Sterling) because one of the company trucks had a roll over, and he's gonna be stuck down there for who knows how long. So he calls about five thirty or so, wondering if I'll go out and throw his horses some hay, and so of course I tell him I will. Sooo, I take off my mom's boots, because I know she'll kill me if I get them dirty, and change into my DC's, because they're sitting right by the door, and scoot out to the four wheeler. So I'm going down the road, and about to take this turn by the rest area, and there's this guy pulling a trailer, so I take the turn kind of wide so he's got room to get the trailer around the corner, and he just LOOKS at me!

And finally I realized that I probably look totally ridiculous. I'm all dressed up, looking all classy (is it stuck up to say that about yourself?) and city-slicker-ish, on this grungy four-wheeler that's got dirt and mud over everything, and taking the turn wide enough for the trailer. Kind of ironic, right? LOL. Gotta love the small towns.