So. This is nothing like today's other post about the new year. This is a totally different vein, in fact, but it's something else I've been pondering.
People are so RARELY what we expect them to be. We put people in these little boxes that WE think they fit, and then we just hardly know what to do with ourselves when they do something totally "outside" that box. Why do we feel such a need to do that? To categorize people? To expect things?
I've found that I rarely EXPECT things anymore--a lot of the time, it just seems like a good way to get let down. Even when I KNOW someone would do something for me, I don't EXPECT them to. Don't ask me how that works, because I'm not entirely sure. ;) But this way, when they do something, it's more of a happy surprise. ;) And it's not that I don't trust people, because I do have a couple REALLY fantastic friends who are there for me every time. I am coming to expect that. I guess the point I'm trying to make is that I try NOT to expect things. I try not to expect somebody to do this for me, or for that person to be a certain way, because every time I do, I just get let down or shocked or something. It's better to just go with it and let it come, instead of trying to box people up.
I think it's also funny to see people putting me in a box. Sometimes I can just tell that they expect me to be a certain way, or do a certain thing, or maybe most especially hang out with a certain type of person. I think people tend to be surprised by the company I keep. And I don't really know why. I'm an outgoing person. I like people. I like to think I'm pretty charismatic--I can get along with just about anyone. And I don't box MYSELF into hanging out with a certain type of person. I've found that often times you have a lot more in common with a person than you'd expect upon first glance. I think, though, that if I were to tell you who my best friend is at this exact moment, a lot of people would be in for a bit of a shock, because it's probably not who they'd expect. It's not someone that, A. they would anticipate being a good friend (No offense, but truly, they don't really come across as being the kind of person to let you rant and rave at two in the morning. hehe.) and B. they would anticipate being MY friend, because we do have a lot of differences. But honestly, I think we've found that we have a lot more in common than even WE expected...or maybe that's just me. haha. ;) And the scary thing is, what if we hadn't been able to get past those expectations? We would have missed out on a fantastic friendship!
So I guess I'm just kind of thinking that people run deeper than we expect, and I think we tend to miss out on a lot because we're disappointed, or we just sort of blow them off when they don't meet our expectations. Who THEY are is probably better than we expected, anyway! ;}
xoxo,
Erika Rose.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Out with the Old, In with the New
New Year's. Possibly one of my FAVORITE days of ever year. ;) There's just something so exciting about a new year, the opportunity to make new memories, and "fresh tracks" so to speak, in a new year. I guess that's a pretty good illustration. Every year, we tromp around in the snow, and leave foot prints, make memories. And then, a new year rolls in, and it erases all the old tracks (a chance to start over fresh) and we get to tromp around in FRESH snow, and just start over.
I'm just so excited. There's a few things that I need to let go of, that I've been clinging to like a drowning man, and I really don't know why. And again, it's not like you need a new year to do that, it's just, I don't know, a good time to really think about these things, I suppose. More than that, though, I'm excited to plunge into a new year with both feet first, holding onto the people who are still in my life, and peering around the corner to see what God has in store for me next.
I am just so excited! I have so many plans for the year, things that are going to be happening. The summer is pretty much just going to be filled with horses. I have a gal who wants me to ride a six year old gelding for her, both Bill and DeeDee want me to do work for them, I think Dad'll have some work for me, plus working Viv and getting her ready for horse shows! It's just going to be a wonderfully fantastic summer. And next year...Well, who knows where God's going to put me? But I'm excited to find out, because I'm pretty sure that wherever it is, it's going to be exciting, you know?
There's just something so symbolic to the new year, I feel. And it's time to grab the bull by the horns, as they say. 2010 brought a lot of change and growth, and I can't wait to go into 2011, with both new and old friends by my side. This is just going to be a good year. I can feel it.
I hope the rest of you are as optimistic about this next year as I am. Have a safe and happy New Year's, and God Bless!
xoxo,
Erika Rose <3
I'm just so excited. There's a few things that I need to let go of, that I've been clinging to like a drowning man, and I really don't know why. And again, it's not like you need a new year to do that, it's just, I don't know, a good time to really think about these things, I suppose. More than that, though, I'm excited to plunge into a new year with both feet first, holding onto the people who are still in my life, and peering around the corner to see what God has in store for me next.
I am just so excited! I have so many plans for the year, things that are going to be happening. The summer is pretty much just going to be filled with horses. I have a gal who wants me to ride a six year old gelding for her, both Bill and DeeDee want me to do work for them, I think Dad'll have some work for me, plus working Viv and getting her ready for horse shows! It's just going to be a wonderfully fantastic summer. And next year...Well, who knows where God's going to put me? But I'm excited to find out, because I'm pretty sure that wherever it is, it's going to be exciting, you know?
There's just something so symbolic to the new year, I feel. And it's time to grab the bull by the horns, as they say. 2010 brought a lot of change and growth, and I can't wait to go into 2011, with both new and old friends by my side. This is just going to be a good year. I can feel it.
I hope the rest of you are as optimistic about this next year as I am. Have a safe and happy New Year's, and God Bless!
xoxo,
Erika Rose <3
Monday, December 20, 2010
Live It Up...
Today, I am struck with the idea of change. I was looking at the photos of an old friend that I haven't seen in some, what, four years? I was just noticing how much he's grown up, how much he's changed--he's a man now, instead of just the boy he was when last I saw him. And I realized that I'm a young woman now, to the girl I was then, back when things were so much simpler.
I'm just thinking about the things life has brought me. I NEVER imagined I would be here, in this place, with these people, and, in some cases, not with other people. I often find myself wishing that I could go back. I miss hot summer days spent sweltering in the sun on horseback, surrounded by the people I loved, united by a single passion. I miss the relationships I had with some of those people, that have changed, or been lost entirely.
But on the other hand, I am SO thankful for the people I still have, and the new people that I didn't even know EXISTED back in the days I'm thinking of. And I know I never would have met them if things hadn't changed, if I hadn't changed.
I guess with Christmas and the new year just around the corner, I'm feeling pretty excited. I have some of the most AMAZING friends, far better than I deserve. I'm rekindling relationships with people I haven't heard from in who knows how long. I'm looking forward to the coming days, and weeks, and months. It's sort of like the caption for my sophomore year album. "These are the years of my life. I will live it up, every day, every moment. Nobody's gonna bring me down." These ARE the years of my life, and they're GOOD years. I will be grateful, I will live it up.
I will be thankful for the changes God has brought to my life, even when I don't understand them, even when I wish he hadn't brought those changes to me, even when I want nothing more than to go back in time. I WILL live it up, every day and every moment. I will admire the young woman I feel God is turning me into, a young woman that I'm not afraid of, nor afraid to be. In all honesty, and I don't mean this in a bragging matter at all, but I'm pretty proud of who I'm becoming. I'm just comfortable in my skin, I am 100% okay with who I am right now, although of course there's always room for improvement and change. I will thank God for that, and I will live my life to the best of my abilities, and with no regrets, because I know that God has a hand in EVERY part of my life, and that He WILL work all things for my good.
God bless,
xoxo,
Erika Rose <3
I'm just thinking about the things life has brought me. I NEVER imagined I would be here, in this place, with these people, and, in some cases, not with other people. I often find myself wishing that I could go back. I miss hot summer days spent sweltering in the sun on horseback, surrounded by the people I loved, united by a single passion. I miss the relationships I had with some of those people, that have changed, or been lost entirely.
But on the other hand, I am SO thankful for the people I still have, and the new people that I didn't even know EXISTED back in the days I'm thinking of. And I know I never would have met them if things hadn't changed, if I hadn't changed.
I guess with Christmas and the new year just around the corner, I'm feeling pretty excited. I have some of the most AMAZING friends, far better than I deserve. I'm rekindling relationships with people I haven't heard from in who knows how long. I'm looking forward to the coming days, and weeks, and months. It's sort of like the caption for my sophomore year album. "These are the years of my life. I will live it up, every day, every moment. Nobody's gonna bring me down." These ARE the years of my life, and they're GOOD years. I will be grateful, I will live it up.
I will be thankful for the changes God has brought to my life, even when I don't understand them, even when I wish he hadn't brought those changes to me, even when I want nothing more than to go back in time. I WILL live it up, every day and every moment. I will admire the young woman I feel God is turning me into, a young woman that I'm not afraid of, nor afraid to be. In all honesty, and I don't mean this in a bragging matter at all, but I'm pretty proud of who I'm becoming. I'm just comfortable in my skin, I am 100% okay with who I am right now, although of course there's always room for improvement and change. I will thank God for that, and I will live my life to the best of my abilities, and with no regrets, because I know that God has a hand in EVERY part of my life, and that He WILL work all things for my good.
God bless,
xoxo,
Erika Rose <3
Monday, December 13, 2010
Wordless Prayer
It's funny sometimes, how God answers prayer even when we don't know exactly what we're praying for--or even that we're praying at all. I was feeling a little down this weekend. I don't know why. Maybe just exhaustion. Feeling a little lonely. As a girl, it's pretty easy to blame stuff on hormones, so I try not to let myself get too down, or at least not dwell on it too long. I don't trust me emotions too much, and so I didn't think about it. But I guess God just put it on my hear this weekend that He truly cares about EVERY aspect of our lives, even the things we mark off as petty or silly.
I was feeling pretty lonely. I don't know why, exactly, and it sounds petty to hear me say it. But this weekend, I got to hang out with two of my best friends, being Dustin and Sarah. Dustin and I just had a crazy time doing absolutely nothing. It was a good detox, to just talk things out and chill. And then on Sunday I got to see Sarah, and we spent time reminiscing about old memories, wondering where we'll be in a few years. I heard from my friend Jennifer, from back in Wibaux, who I don't talk to nearly often enough and, while we didn't talk about a whole lot, it was good to hear from her. And then last night I got a text from one of my old classmates, who I haven't talked to in forever, who, in all honesty, I didn't expect to hear from at ALL. And he basically just told me he doesn't hold anything against me. He thought I should go back to Wibaux at semester. :] He'll probably never know exactly how much that meant to me. He was one of the first to specifically tell me he's over it, doesn't hold anything against me. I've talked to kids back home, but we've never talked about the documentary. For some reason, it was just really freeing. I talked to Chella, too, (Rachel, one of my other best friends) is gonna get me into rodeo, or at least if she's got anything to say about it. ;] And again, that support means the world to me.
Basically, it all just came together to remind me that I DO have friends. Lots of them. More than I ever imagined, or even really noticed, sadly. And I guess it was just a balm on my heart, God whispering softly in the back of my mind, "I care about EVERYTHING, no matter how trivial it seems, and I WILL provide the desires of your heart, because I love you more than life itself, and because I am God Almighty, and more than that, Father." I am so blessed to be surrounded by so many people who care about me dearly, who I know would do anything for me, exactly how I'd do anything for them. And yes, I have people who've walked out of my life without looking back, no good byes, no regrets, but in the long run, what is that compared to what I HAVE been given? Do I really want those people THAT badly? And I don't mean that in a callous way, but more of a, if they don't want to stay, why do I want them to? If I care about them, I'll let them go, and I will be grateful for the friends I have. And I will try to never, ever take that for granted.
I guess the bottom line is, sometimes we don't know what we want, or what we're praying for, God does. He knows exactly what is on our hearts every moment of every minute of every hour of ever day, and we don't always have to put words to our prayers. God just knows. And more than that, He is faithful to answer.
xoxo,
Erika Rose <3
P.S. I just want you guys to know that my life is better for having you in it, and that I don't know what I'd do without you. God used you this weekend, probably without your even realizing it, simply by doing the things you do daily. Thanks for being amazing. Thanks for being my friends. :]
I was feeling pretty lonely. I don't know why, exactly, and it sounds petty to hear me say it. But this weekend, I got to hang out with two of my best friends, being Dustin and Sarah. Dustin and I just had a crazy time doing absolutely nothing. It was a good detox, to just talk things out and chill. And then on Sunday I got to see Sarah, and we spent time reminiscing about old memories, wondering where we'll be in a few years. I heard from my friend Jennifer, from back in Wibaux, who I don't talk to nearly often enough and, while we didn't talk about a whole lot, it was good to hear from her. And then last night I got a text from one of my old classmates, who I haven't talked to in forever, who, in all honesty, I didn't expect to hear from at ALL. And he basically just told me he doesn't hold anything against me. He thought I should go back to Wibaux at semester. :] He'll probably never know exactly how much that meant to me. He was one of the first to specifically tell me he's over it, doesn't hold anything against me. I've talked to kids back home, but we've never talked about the documentary. For some reason, it was just really freeing. I talked to Chella, too, (Rachel, one of my other best friends) is gonna get me into rodeo, or at least if she's got anything to say about it. ;] And again, that support means the world to me.
Basically, it all just came together to remind me that I DO have friends. Lots of them. More than I ever imagined, or even really noticed, sadly. And I guess it was just a balm on my heart, God whispering softly in the back of my mind, "I care about EVERYTHING, no matter how trivial it seems, and I WILL provide the desires of your heart, because I love you more than life itself, and because I am God Almighty, and more than that, Father." I am so blessed to be surrounded by so many people who care about me dearly, who I know would do anything for me, exactly how I'd do anything for them. And yes, I have people who've walked out of my life without looking back, no good byes, no regrets, but in the long run, what is that compared to what I HAVE been given? Do I really want those people THAT badly? And I don't mean that in a callous way, but more of a, if they don't want to stay, why do I want them to? If I care about them, I'll let them go, and I will be grateful for the friends I have. And I will try to never, ever take that for granted.
I guess the bottom line is, sometimes we don't know what we want, or what we're praying for, God does. He knows exactly what is on our hearts every moment of every minute of every hour of ever day, and we don't always have to put words to our prayers. God just knows. And more than that, He is faithful to answer.
xoxo,
Erika Rose <3
P.S. I just want you guys to know that my life is better for having you in it, and that I don't know what I'd do without you. God used you this weekend, probably without your even realizing it, simply by doing the things you do daily. Thanks for being amazing. Thanks for being my friends. :]
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Dream Big
So. I have some dreams. And a lot of them are about horses, so some of you probably aren't gonna have any idea what I'm talking about. However, I want tow rite them down so I hold myself to it, and I have so many notebooks that I tend to lose things. So. Here is a list of 10 goals for me and my filly Viva. Call it my early New Year's Resolution. ;] They also say that you should set a time limit. So. By this time next year, I want to complete all this, which means doing lots and lots of riding. =D (That ought to be really difficult. tehe)
1.) I want her to come greet me at the gate.
2.) I want to get her jumping
3.) I NEED to get her side-passing (maybe this should be because I need this by summer)
4.) I want to get her to lay down
4b.) I want to be able to get on her while she's laying down and then have her stand up
5.) I need to start working with a longer line
5b.) ...so I can work up to playing with her on the ground, at liberty (with no line at all) in a large space
6.) I want to be able to ride WITHOUT a bridle. Which means I need to fix the way I ride and start using my legs instead of my hands. ;]
7.) I want her to be joined up with me AFTER we get done riding. (Instead of running off like she did today. -sad panda-)
8.) I want to figure out what SHE wants to do and get her going on it, be it barrels and poles or jumping
9.) I want to get her going under English (which really isn't hard)
10.) I want to fix her headset, so she carries herself better.
Okay. That is my list of equine goals for the year of 2011. These are the things I hope to accomplish. I'll let all of you know how this goes, but it'll be a while, as I can't ride nearly as often as I'd like thanks to the weather and school and the fact that it gets dark so early. =S
xoxo
Erika Rose <3
1.) I want her to come greet me at the gate.
2.) I want to get her jumping
3.) I NEED to get her side-passing (maybe this should be because I need this by summer)
4.) I want to get her to lay down
4b.) I want to be able to get on her while she's laying down and then have her stand up
5.) I need to start working with a longer line
5b.) ...so I can work up to playing with her on the ground, at liberty (with no line at all) in a large space
6.) I want to be able to ride WITHOUT a bridle. Which means I need to fix the way I ride and start using my legs instead of my hands. ;]
7.) I want her to be joined up with me AFTER we get done riding. (Instead of running off like she did today. -sad panda-)
8.) I want to figure out what SHE wants to do and get her going on it, be it barrels and poles or jumping
9.) I want to get her going under English (which really isn't hard)
10.) I want to fix her headset, so she carries herself better.
Okay. That is my list of equine goals for the year of 2011. These are the things I hope to accomplish. I'll let all of you know how this goes, but it'll be a while, as I can't ride nearly as often as I'd like thanks to the weather and school and the fact that it gets dark so early. =S
xoxo
Erika Rose <3
Saturday, December 4, 2010
'Tis the Season
Tonight we decorated the Christmas tree. I have under-appreciated that tradition the last few years, but this year, it was a fun time. My mom has this great tradition for getting us kids a Christmas tree ornament every year. A lot of them are significant to what happened that year. The trip to Hawaii, the trip to Boston, the years I got Vegas and Tinkerbell, the scant year I was in ballet, things of that nature. And this year, it was fun to look back on all those, to remember where I have been and to take a special note of where I am now. I'm super curious to see what Mom got me for the tree this year. She just keeps telling me I'm gonna like it. Hmm.
At any rate, it's also a time for family. Before I moved to Dickinson, I was far too eager to run off, back to the computer or whatever else I had going, as soon as I possibly could without being rude to my mom. This year, though, it was a great time. I went and made some hot cocoa and just chilled in the recliner and watched Mom finish putting all her (well, her's and dad's, but mostly her's. =P)her stuff on the tree. We talked about theology, and life and love. We ate dinner around the table, and I talked about the traditions I want to have for my family when the time comes. It was just fantastic.
They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, and in my case, that is most certainly true. I've under-appreciated my parents for a long time, but tonight was just a night of bonding, talking about old movies, and family traditions, like watching Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol.
I don't want to go back to Dickinson tomorrow. I just want to go to church and sit iwth my family and drink hot cocoa around the Christmas tree. Unfortunately, duty calls, and I must go back to the daily grind. In just a few more weeks, though, I'll be off for Christmas break, and I am VERY excited. I love Christmas, and I can't wait to see the rest of my family and get to just curl up and look at the snow and enjoy life. Of course, that's not to say I don't always enjoy life, but there's just something about Christmas.
Love always, and happy holidays! (Merry Christmas, thank you very much!)
Erika Rose <3
At any rate, it's also a time for family. Before I moved to Dickinson, I was far too eager to run off, back to the computer or whatever else I had going, as soon as I possibly could without being rude to my mom. This year, though, it was a great time. I went and made some hot cocoa and just chilled in the recliner and watched Mom finish putting all her (well, her's and dad's, but mostly her's. =P)her stuff on the tree. We talked about theology, and life and love. We ate dinner around the table, and I talked about the traditions I want to have for my family when the time comes. It was just fantastic.
They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, and in my case, that is most certainly true. I've under-appreciated my parents for a long time, but tonight was just a night of bonding, talking about old movies, and family traditions, like watching Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol.
I don't want to go back to Dickinson tomorrow. I just want to go to church and sit iwth my family and drink hot cocoa around the Christmas tree. Unfortunately, duty calls, and I must go back to the daily grind. In just a few more weeks, though, I'll be off for Christmas break, and I am VERY excited. I love Christmas, and I can't wait to see the rest of my family and get to just curl up and look at the snow and enjoy life. Of course, that's not to say I don't always enjoy life, but there's just something about Christmas.
Love always, and happy holidays! (Merry Christmas, thank you very much!)
Erika Rose <3
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Do you really believe?
"Do you really believe what you believe is really real?" -- Del Tackett
So. Here are my thoughts for this past week.
Basically, everyone seems to think I'm this super strong Christian. The pastor (who hardly knows me but heard me pray at Prayer and Testament a couple weeks ago) thinks that I'm gonna be this great influence on the youth and seems to think that I'm some great Christian. And letting him think that kind of makes me feel like a liar. I guess in some ways, I am a pretty mature Christian. But not as much as I could be. Not as much as I SHOULD be. But then, I guess none of us are.
Still, I'm hit and miss with my Bible reading, and if I'm hit and miss with that, I'm probably hit and miss in my relationship with God, and I'm DEFINITELY hit and miss with my prayer life. All of these to me are signs of an immature Christian.
All of THIS comes back to that quote by Del Tackett in the Truth Project, which has stuck with me for a very, VERY long time. "Do you really believe what you believe is really real?" Do I? If I did, wouldn't I pray constantly? If I REALLY believed what the Bible said about entering God's thrown room when we pray, the thrown room of THE Almighty God, would I ever be able to LEAVE? How would I EVER get out of prayer if I REALLY believed what I believe is really real?
Is my faith REALLY being echoed in my life? Sure, I don't drink, or party, or sleep around, but there are non-Christians who do that, too, because it's logical, because it's safe. Does that REALLY set me so much apart? Am I really setting MYSELF apart? If my relationship with God is lacking, isn't my life lacking? My testimony? If my relationship with God is lacking, everything about my life is lacking.
I don't know. I guess I just don't want people to build me up so much, which probably sounds crazy, because everybody wants a good reputation, everybody wants people to think they're great. But. I don't want people to think I'm better than I am. I don't want them to set me on this pedestal because I'm going to fall eventually, and we all know the saying about the higher the pedestal, the harder the fall. Maybe people really aren't building me up that much and I'm just being paranoid and self centered (=P) but still. I just wonder, you know? And it makes me evaluate my life. Is my life in line with what I'm preaching? With my other actions? Do I really have room to be advising other people or trying to help them?
I'm not self-doubting myself as much as it sounds like I am, I promise. Just exploring. I guess I'm just being reminded that God doesn't see what people see, and just because I'm good enough for the people, doesn't mean I'm good enough for God, but I never will be, this side of glory. And I have to remember that God is okay with that. He knows we're not perfect, and all He asks is our best effort. So I guess, am I really giving him my BEST effort? Am I giving Him my all?
So I guess that's my thought for the evening. I am evaluating. Where am I lacking? Where can I give God more? What do I need to surrender to Him? (Besides EVERYTHING!! lol) And this will be a continual struggle. I will never be perfect, and I have to be okay with that, and remember that there's beauty in the imperfections, too.
xoxo,
Erika Rose
So. Here are my thoughts for this past week.
Basically, everyone seems to think I'm this super strong Christian. The pastor (who hardly knows me but heard me pray at Prayer and Testament a couple weeks ago) thinks that I'm gonna be this great influence on the youth and seems to think that I'm some great Christian. And letting him think that kind of makes me feel like a liar. I guess in some ways, I am a pretty mature Christian. But not as much as I could be. Not as much as I SHOULD be. But then, I guess none of us are.
Still, I'm hit and miss with my Bible reading, and if I'm hit and miss with that, I'm probably hit and miss in my relationship with God, and I'm DEFINITELY hit and miss with my prayer life. All of these to me are signs of an immature Christian.
All of THIS comes back to that quote by Del Tackett in the Truth Project, which has stuck with me for a very, VERY long time. "Do you really believe what you believe is really real?" Do I? If I did, wouldn't I pray constantly? If I REALLY believed what the Bible said about entering God's thrown room when we pray, the thrown room of THE Almighty God, would I ever be able to LEAVE? How would I EVER get out of prayer if I REALLY believed what I believe is really real?
Is my faith REALLY being echoed in my life? Sure, I don't drink, or party, or sleep around, but there are non-Christians who do that, too, because it's logical, because it's safe. Does that REALLY set me so much apart? Am I really setting MYSELF apart? If my relationship with God is lacking, isn't my life lacking? My testimony? If my relationship with God is lacking, everything about my life is lacking.
I don't know. I guess I just don't want people to build me up so much, which probably sounds crazy, because everybody wants a good reputation, everybody wants people to think they're great. But. I don't want people to think I'm better than I am. I don't want them to set me on this pedestal because I'm going to fall eventually, and we all know the saying about the higher the pedestal, the harder the fall. Maybe people really aren't building me up that much and I'm just being paranoid and self centered (=P) but still. I just wonder, you know? And it makes me evaluate my life. Is my life in line with what I'm preaching? With my other actions? Do I really have room to be advising other people or trying to help them?
I'm not self-doubting myself as much as it sounds like I am, I promise. Just exploring. I guess I'm just being reminded that God doesn't see what people see, and just because I'm good enough for the people, doesn't mean I'm good enough for God, but I never will be, this side of glory. And I have to remember that God is okay with that. He knows we're not perfect, and all He asks is our best effort. So I guess, am I really giving him my BEST effort? Am I giving Him my all?
So I guess that's my thought for the evening. I am evaluating. Where am I lacking? Where can I give God more? What do I need to surrender to Him? (Besides EVERYTHING!! lol) And this will be a continual struggle. I will never be perfect, and I have to be okay with that, and remember that there's beauty in the imperfections, too.
xoxo,
Erika Rose
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