Hands-On Love

Wow. It's been a while, huh? I haven't had a lot of time to be blogging. I've had a hard time even finding the time to read my Bible, which is bad. But I finally got up at a decent hour to day and was able to just spend some time reading, and my Uncle Kyle and I have been having some really intense conversations, and so I just wanted to take some time to sit down and share my heart with you guys, and get my thoughts organized. Because I organize my thoughts by writing them out. :)

The discussion Kyle and I have been having is about having the attitude of Christ. What was Christ's attitude? And if we are to have His mindset, how then, shall we be living? And how does this affect our ministry?

I think the biggest thing is being humble. It's looking at the hobo on the street, or the guy falling off his bar stool and remembering that really, we're no better, and, if not for Christ in us, we could and probably would be in the exact same place. At least for me, I'm pretty convinced that I would be a partying wild child if not for having Christ in my life. I think that's what's important to remember: it's not that WE are better, in and of ourselves, it's that we have been SAVED from that kind of lifestyle, and from all the heartache that comes with it, by our salvation through Jesus Christ and by living according to His will.

I love all the stories about Christ sitting with the tax collectors and the harlots, and how He was so looked down upon for it, because my feeling is, this is where we see Christ's heart, and therefore God's heart. I think that Christ's actions show that God is a very "hands-on" God, and that He desires for us to be "hands-on" in our ministry. I think He desires us to be actively seeking people, and in actively seeking, meeting them where they are.

I think what people need to see is that God takes their burdens away, and I think the best way to show them that is by coming alongside them and helping them shoulder that burden, giving them an example of Christ's hands-on love. And I think that means...well, meeting them where they are, and maybe getting our hands dirty once in a while. Maybe even getting our reputations dirty. There's no doubt about it, if you go into a bar, people are going to assume a lot, but I think there are a lot of people sitting in those bars who need Christ. How can we reach them if we're not there? It's pretty unlikely that they're going to stumble their way into church. If they're not coming to church, then we need to be going to them.

And I think the biggest thing in all this is to be humble, to not think of ourselves as "too good" to get down and dirty. We are not above anyone, but in order for THEM to see that, we have to get on their level, wherever that is.

So I guess, that is my heart, and that is my goal. To love people first and foremost, and above and beyond what someone else may love them; to meet people where they are and to show them God's "hands-on" love. That is my heart.

xoxo,
Erika Rose

P.S. Does Hands On Love sound like a poem or a song title to anyone else, or is that just me? Sounds like I've got some work to do. ;)

I Believe

Well, it's been a while, friends, and there are several things on my mind tonight.

The first is this: I am SO thankful for my grandmother, who has instilled in me a deep love and appreciation of music. The times I've spent with her gathered around the piano singing hymns and praising God are some of my most treasured memories, that I'm holding onto even more so now, as I'm starting to realize how quickly things change, and how, perhaps, I won't be able to do that much longer. I don't know where the wind will take me, but I am seizing every chance that I have to spend with the people who are dear to my heart.

The second is, I want to write something to get myself grounded again, so I guess I'm just going to start typing. We'll see where it takes us, eh?

1.) I believe there is a silver lining to every cloud.
2.) I believe there is always something to live for.
3.) Everyone has someone who loves them--sometimes we just don't realize it.
4.) People are both more and less reliable than I give them credit for. (Contradictory, I know.)
5.) Things change faster than we can imagine, so cherish every moment.
6.) Every day is a gift from God, not a given right.
7.) Cherish the moment, but don't fear the future.
8.) Don't worry about what people think--we're not here to impress.
9.) Everyone feels a need to be loved.
10.) We should love more and judge less. (Usually)
11.) Smile. You never know when it will brighten someone's day.
12.) The little things are often the most important.
13.) You should never have to defend yourself to a friend.
14.) Everyone needs at least one good friend.
15.) We shouldn't be keeping God's love to ourselves.
16.) Be bold and fearless.
17.) Don't be afraid to be who you are--haters make you famous. ;)
18.) Salvation is given to all who believe.
19.) Everyone has a chance at salvation--it's their decision whether they take it or not.
20.) I am NOT responsible for my friends' salvation--it's between them and God.

I struggle with that last one a lot. In ministering to someone, I always feel as if I have somehow personally failed them if they don't get saved. That, however, is NOT on my shoulders, and over the past few weeks I've been working really hard at letting that go. And at letting someone who doesn't particularly WANT my help walk away--that decision is their right.

I am working very hard to remember that God loves them more than I do, that He DIED for them, and that He desires their salvation as much or more than I do.

I'm tired tonight, so this is a little bit all over the place, but I love you friends. God bless.

xoxo,
Erika Rose

I am Ready...

I walk down the parking lot. The wind is cold, biting through my jean jacket. It's not enough for the weather, but I really don't care. I'm not planning to be out and about much. I catch sight of a friend's car and smile a little to myself. Some of these cars are familiar--most are not. I find myself relieved that this is the last time I will be making this walk. I'm confident about the decision that has been made. There's no regret that I won't have to do this again.

I am infinitely grateful for the time I have spent here, for the experiences I have gained, and the friends I have made. For all its trial and difficulty, I am so glad to have had this experience. It was a good choice for the moment, and I don't regret it, but I don't regret where I'm headed now, either. I am at peace with the choices I've made, with the battle I've fought. But that period is over, and I am ready to move onto something new. Take some time to rest, recoup, and prepare for tomorrow's battle, whatever tomorrow, in all its uncertainties, happens to bring me.

A thousand thank yous to the people who made my stay in Dickinson incredible and worth while. There are far too many of you to count, just know that each and every person I have come in contact with over the last seven months has had an impact, and I am thankful to all of you. I will miss you the most, of everything that I am leaving behind, but I am ready to move on. I will miss you. I love you all. I will keep in touch. I promise. :)

Thank you so much for the fun times and the experiences. You're the most fantastic people. I love you. :)

Immediately...

I was just browsing through my Bible and happened across some verses I had highlighted, presumably an extremely long time ago, in Matthew, where Jesus walked on water, and a few verses, one word in particular, caught me eye.

"It's a ghost!" they said, and cried out in fear. But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I!"

and then:

"But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"

Immediately, Jesus reached out His hand and caught him."

Do you guys see the theme? IMMEDIATELY said to them. IMMEDIATELY reached out and caught him. Immediately.

I don't know why, but that's just comforting. God doesn't allow us to flounder around. His aid is instantaneous. And my teen study Bible had the note that doubt doesn't drive Jesus away. He's there regardless of whether we are strong or weak. It's sort of, just because we doubt God, he doesn't ever doubt us. He is there no matter what. If we walk away, He will still be waiting when we come back.

I just love that immediately, though. We don't have to wait for God, or at least for His comfort. We are always trying to wait for His perfect timing, because I'm finding that God's schedule is rarely mine, but His comfort, His guidance, His peace, His love...instantaneous. We don't have to wait for it. It's there right now, and it will be in a millisecond and a minute and an hour and a day from now. All we have to do is reach out.

And Know that God is reaching out for us.

"Immediately, Jesus reached out for his hand and caught him."

That is a comfort to me, that even when I doubt and fear and tremble, God is reaching for me, even when I am not reaching for Him...

xoxo,
Erika Rose <3

Black and White

Well, these are my thoughts for the day.

I'm starting to think that as Christians, we tend to see things in black and white, right or wrong. And in a sense, things are pretty black and white. As far as do's and don'ts, the Bible is pretty clear. But I think sometimes we get too set in that mindset.

You see, my thoughts for the day are, when I look at a lot of people, non-Christians especially, and see people who consistently sin, I'm starting to see not so much the sin as the hurt that causes them to sin.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think that the fact that somebody hurts is an excuse to sin, or makes it not wrong, but I do feel it changes the way we need to look at them or minister to them.

The way I see it is, all men are without excuse. They KNOW what they're doing is wrong. They don't need us to tell them that what they're doing is wrong--they already know! At which point, I think we need to ask ourselves, why don't they care?

I think a lot of times people sin, particularly with sins like substance abuse or sleeping around, because they hurt and they don't know what else to do. In which case they don't need us to tell them what's wrong with how they're living. Rather, I think they need to see an alternative lifestyle in our lives. And I think, too, we need to make a point of loving on them, rather than judging them. What makes us any different from the rest of the world if we judge them exactly the same? We're supposed to love people, and Christians have this reputation for being judgmental. Not that it's true, but I think we need to be all the more aware of the fact that people are predisposed to thinking we're judgmental.

I think it's a lot more important that we love people than judge them. And I think we need to be building relationships with them. Who's going to listen to a random person on the street telling them they're going to Hell? It may be true, but not everything that's true needs to be said all the time. And they're much more likely to listen to you say that, if that's what needs to be said, if you have a relationship with them, if you've built a friendship and they have past reasons to believe that you love them and that they can trust you, and that you honestly have their best interest at heart.

I feel like sometimes we look down on the people who do befriend people who are "sinners." But honestly, I believe that's what needs to happen.

My last thought is, who are we to judge? First of all, we don't know ANYTHING about this person or where they're from. Like I say, circumstance doesn't keep something from being wrong, but sometimes it sheds a little light on what's happening. And 2, it's not like we're perfect, either. We are rarely in a position to judge.

I'm not saying that sometimes we don't need to tell somebody that what they're doing is wrong. Sometimes, it's what they need to hear. But I think in dealing with people, and in ministering to people, it's not actually as black and white as we tend to think. You just have to take it case by case, but I think first and foremost, we need to love people. Love first, and if you must, judge second. But always, ALWAYS love first. And make sure they KNOW that you love them and that you are "judging" them BECAUSE you care about them.

I think you're bound to have a lot more impact if people know you care about them.

Those are my ponderings for the day.

xoxo,
Erika Rose

My Rant of the Night Continued

"Kay, I don't feel like I'm one of those high maintenance girls who requires Herculean efforts from her friends. In fact, I'd be inclined to say that I'm pretty low maintenance. But I'm low maintenance, not no maintenance. A little effort is nice. Friendships are two way streets. Okay. That's my rant of the night. I'm done now. :)"

That was my Facebook, status, but I lied. I'm not done ranting.

Tonight, I am just so frustrated. I guess I'm just feeling super lonely and a wee bit jealous. I'm strong enough to admit that. My best friend is engaged. My two other best friends had dates tonight as well. I went to basketball games and since then have pretty much sat at home, doing nothing, because everybody either had plans or couldn't go out. I'm not complaining about that. It happens.

But I am frustrated with people, and society as a whole today. People are so inherently...well, flakey, I guess. I've been let down. A lot. And it's not that these people have let me down--I understand that they're human, and they're going to let me down. It's inevitable. And I know I'm going to let them down, too. We're human, and we're imperfect. It's that flake factor that gets to me, though. It's that lack of willingness to make an effort.

People think friendships will still be there if you don't put any effort into them. And with some friends, it's true you can go years without talking and pick up right where you left off. But there's not the trust factor there. I don't feel that those friendships go very deep. If you want someone to rely on, you need to put some effort into it. I don't think people understand that.

I feel that in some ways, I have very fair weather friends. I feel that some of them only come around when they need something from me. Never mind when I need something from them. I've gotten myself a reputation as being the go-to girl when you need a shoulder to cry on, or whatever. And I love that, truly, I do. I love people, I care about them, I'm somebody they can trust who will be there for them every time. But even some of my Christian friends are never really willing to do the same.

As my facebook status said, I don't require huge amount of effort, but friendships are DEFINITELY two-way streets. You have to GIVE, too, not just take. And we're living in a society of takers, and nobody really cares about anything except themselves.

I also think that people have some ludicrous idea that I've got it all together, that I'm happy all the time. And that is the image I put off, so I guess I can't really blame them for thinking that. But the fact of the matter is, yes, I am a generally happy person, probably happier than most, but nobody is THAT happy. I'm just not comfortable showing people that, because I feel like there's so few people that I can trust.

So I suppose my prayer is that you would read this and resolve to make an effort, not just for me, but for ALL your friends. Maybe ask that person who's always happy how they are, and if you feel like they're lying, tell them to tell you the truth, because I think that's the most common lie ever told: I'm fine." Go the extra mile. Be willing to put out. And be aware of the fact that you get what you give.

NOW I am done ranting for the night.

These are post-scripts. Just a couple examples of the reason I LOVE Tenth Avenue North. They have a song for everything.

What has God got planned?

So, today I was looking at the website for Ecola Bible School. I've talked about attending Ecola my first year out of high school for quite a while, but I really looked at the site today, and I have to say, I'm even more excited now than I was before. Their doctrinal statement is spot on, and I love the whole purpose of the school, to focus strictly on spiritual growth, instead of readying the student for jobs. (Don't get me wrong, college education is important, too, I just think it's cool that it is STRICTLY a Bible School.) The opportunities offered seem pretty neat, and I'm just quite excited.

I've been thinking a lot over the past few weeks what the future is going to hold for me. I know that this summer, I'm going to be doing a LOT of training horses, which I'm super excited about, in addition to probably some waitressing and work for my dad. Next year, HOPEFULLY I'll be doing correspondance courses and continuing to train and work, ect. POSSIBLY. And I do stress that, because of course, nothing is certain yet. My goal, though, would be to do my school work in the morning, go to work in the after noon and evenings, and then in the winter, when it starts getting cold and there's not a lot of opportunity to be training, basically work double time and try and finish both my junior and senior years in one, and get my diploma after my would-be junior year. That summer, (Summer 2012) I want to spend in Bend, Oregon, volunteering at Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch. (Please, check 'em out!) Basically, they own mostly rescued horses, and are open year round to any and all families for sessions with staff and horses. They're also non-profit, so these families don't pay. Kim Meeder, (the co-founder, along with her husband Troy) have the COOLEST ministry there, guys. Seriously, the things they do, or rather, that God does through them, are really, REALLY cool. She's currently got two books published, Hope Rising and Bridge Called Hope, detailing some of the stories of the youth that she has worked with. They seem like really neat people. They stepped out in faith, bought a completely barren piece of property, and worked really hard to get it to a point where it was inhabitable, really. Anyway, I can't sing their praises enough, in case you couldn't tell. So I want to spend the summer volunteering there as basically a "junior" volunteer, since I'll be seventeen.

I love the ministry at Crystal Peaks, but I also want to go there and gain some experience. You see, I have this dream of starting a ranch, sort of similar to CPYR (Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch). Well, I suppose more similar to Home on the Range, really, for those of you who know what that is. Basically, I want to have a ranch for "troubled" kids. I have a HUGE heart for the kids who come from abusive families, or histories of drug and alcohol abuse. I feel that these kids, particularly in that teen range, get shuffled to the side, because they ARE challenging to work with. I am completely aware of that. I just don't feel that's a reason for them to get kicked to the curb, so to speak. They hit that age where no one will take them, because they have all these problems and issues, and that's where I want to come in.

The dream in and of itself is pretty big, but it would have to start small, just a few students. I want to eventually have separate dorms for guys and girls, with a dorm "parent" for each floor. Eventually, I would absolutely love to have an on campus school, with teachers with a strong relationship with God and experience and/or training specifically toward working with "troubled" youth. Of course, to start off, we would probably stick them into public school, which is what Home on the Range over in Sentinal Butte does.

I have so many ideas and details for this thing, you guys. It's something that's constantly growing and transforming in my mind. All the time, I keep getting more ideas, ways to really make it work, make it plausible, and of course, thinking of all the challenges that would come with starting and maintaining a place like this. The thing is, though, when I first got this crazy idea, it was just a pipe dream. I was like, "This is a really cool idea, but there is no WAY it could happen." That's starting to change though. I'm starting to see the practical ways in which it could be made to work. Like I said, it really is plausible.

I believe that this is a God-given idea, because I really have no reason to have this heart for troubled youth. It's not like I come from that background, it's not like I can relate. It's not like I even KNOW that many kids from "troubled" backgrounds. I can think of only three off the top of my head. Even so, this idea is there and constantly growing, and I have every confidence that if this IS God-given, He will open the doors that are needed.

I'm confident that if this dream is what God is willing for my life, He's going to open the doors, He's going to make it happen. He's going to bring the people into my life that I need to start this place, people with a similar heart and dream and vision. There are so many pitfalls to this idea, SO many things that can (and probably will!) go wrong, but like I said, I know if God is willing it, He WILL see it through.

On the flip side, though, if this is just a pipe dream and NOT what God has in store for me, I know it will be a flop. There is NO WAY a place like this can function without God at its heart. Because of this, I want to be absolutely, 100% certain that this IS God's call on my life, because I don't want to step out in faith, thinking, "Yeah! This is it! God's gonna do great things!" only to have everything crumble and hear Him whisper "No, I'm sending you somewhere else." If this isn't what God wants, the whole thing will just be a complete and utter failure.

Like I said, though, the more time goes on, the more ideas I start to get, the more I feel myself drawn to this ministry. I would love to spend a year at Ecola, and it would be amazing to work at Hom eon the Range for a time, to gather ideas, and get some hands on experience with the youth I hope to be working with, seeing if this is something I think I'm capable of and can do. Who knows? I might get there and go, OHMYGOSH, there's no way I can do this! This is NOT for me! Of course, I doubt that. In all honesty, I think the hardest part for me will be knowing that I can't save all of them. It will be watching those students walk away who haven't been helped by my program. THAT will be the deepest pain for me. But on the other hand, it'll all be worth it for the students who DO come away better geared for life, to be happy and successful and independent.

So I guess, my hope would be that you guys would join me in prayer, as I seek God's guidance for my life, in the short term, for the summer, for next year, and in the long-term, my college education, and ultimately the whole rest of my life. I would ask that you pray that God would keep this on my heart if it's what He desires, and if He has a different plan, that He would take this dream and take my fire for it. I ask that you pray for His guidance as I try and navigate these next years, trying to prepare for this crazy dream. And of course, that if this is where God wants me, that He would open the doors, that He would bring the people into my life necessary to make this dream come true, people with the same heart and dream and vision.

And someday, years down the road, if/when I have this thing going, you can say "Hey, I was an originator of this place. I was there from the very beginning, being one of her prayer warriors and paving the way for this place to happen."

These are my dreams for the future, hopefully GOD'S dreams for my future, and all I can think is that if these are MY dreams for this place, if this is something God truly has given me, can you imagine what GOD'S dreams for this place are? I can only think in finite terms, but God is seeing infinity, and my imagination has NOTHING on God's. So like I say, if these are my dreams for this place, the things that I want and hope and desire, can you imagine what God's got planned? Far more than I can ever even dream of.

So once again, I ask, join me in prayer, friends, and know that whoever you are, wherever you are, I am praying for you, too, that you would "grow in grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and forever! Amen" (2 Peter 3:17 & 18)

Prayerfully, in Christ,
Erika Rose <3
xoxo

Family Units

I find it extremely vexing how many kids either loathe their parents or can't stand living with them. This whole experience with Dickinson has shown me how FEW kids actually LIKE their parents. I'm finding that I'm one of a pretty small group who actually sincerely loves my parents. I would give anything to live at home again. Well. Not anything, obviously, because it wouldn't be that hard to just drop school in Dickinson and go, but you get what I'm saying.

At any rate, a LOT of the people I talk to don't get along with their parents, can't stand them, and can't wait to move out. And in MOST cases, I honestly don't blame the kid in the slightest. And personally, I think it's a travesty!! WHAT IS HAPPENING WITH AMERICA'S PARENTS?! And I think more than that, with the FAMILY UNIT. I think this is something that's become so lost.

I feel like parents make NO effort to bond with their kids. No effort to really be part of their life. They don't even sit down to dinner anymore. And granted, we didn't ALWAYS have dinner together,we did pretty regularly, especially when I was little and Holly and Derek were still in the house. And even now, when I'm home, we always go out at least once a week. Usually on Sundays, we'd go have lunch after church.

I just feel the family unit is something that's being lost. People are so rarely a FAMILY anymore. There is no bonding, no family ties, no family loyalty. And I think it's sad. And I wish that every kid could have with their parents what I do with mine.

So. Those are the thoughts.

Friends

So, I have come to the conclusion that I have some awfully amazing friends. And I'm realizing more and more that truly, it's not how long you've known your friends. That's truly of little importance. It's like that saying: "It's not who's been friends with you the longest, it's who's been there for you the most." My best friends, the people I count on, are people I really haven't known that long at all. One of them, not even six months. But sometimes people just click, and they sort of become instant best friends. It's not necessarily that they've proven themselves, you just KNOW they'd be there for you. That's where I'm at.

I have so many memories packed into this last school year with my new friends. Just crazyness, amazing memories. I guess I'm just so thankful for the people I have in my life right now. Thanks you guys, for being amazing. :)

xoxo,
Erika Rose

Faith. Focus. Finish.

Rodeo is a pretty religious sport, as sports go. A lot of the people you see in rodeo, even at a professional level, you see a lot of guys (and gals, of course) who really seem to have their heads on straight and their ducks in a row.

Shane Hanchey, who's a tie down roper who made his first win at a Wrangler NFR in 2010 (the very end, so like, last month) has on his Twitter "Faith Focus Finish." (P.S., yes, I AM a Twitter nerd. hehe)

I feel that's a really simple way to sum up life as a Christian.

We strengthen our faith. My "theme" verse, I guess you'd call it, is Hebrews 10:23 -- "Let us hold fast to the confession of our hope, without wavering, for He who promised is faithful." It's telling us to hold onto our faith, (and I love the promise, too, that God himself is faithful.) But I think first and foremost in life, we have to have the saving faith, faith in salvation. Then we have to focus, and keep our focus. Focus on God, focus on faith, focus on testimony. Persevere, would be another word. If we have the faith, and if we have the focus on our faith, then we're going to finish, and more than that, finish STRONG. I think that's important. Finishing strong.

So, I guess let me leave you with this verse:

Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."

-- Hebrews 12:1&2 (New American Standard)

Opportunity

Today, I was thinking back to when I first came to Dickson and how excited I was about all the possibilities and opportunities. And how, as time has gone by, I've sort of lost that drive and excitement for life as the "new" becomes the "old." But I've been realizing, every day is new, and it ought to be exciting.

When I came to Dickinson, I just felt the year was so full of promise, and excitement. I couldn't wait to see what it had in store for me. And as the new has just become the norm, I've lost that. But really, every day is new, new possibilities, new opportunities, and I'm wondering why I don't wake up excited and on fire for that? Every day should be exciting! Every day is new, God-breathed, God-given. And it holds every bit as much promise for change and opportunity as the year did when it was new.

And so I guess my challenge is, look at every day the way we tend to look at the new year, as filled with hope and opportunity for change, for growth, for newness. Just be excited about life! Who knows what today is gonna bring.

xoxo,
Erika Rose <3

Impact

So, the thoughts for tonight are impact. I just got done watching To Save a Life. If you haven't seen that movie, go watch it. Seriously, it's AMAZING, one of my all-time favorites. I absolutely love it. And it leads me to think about impact. We had talked about this in youth group as well, whether we, as Christians, are making an impact on the world, and for me, personally, am I making an impact?

Am I leading my friends astray, or helping them stick to the straight and narrow? Am I there for them, or do I let them down? Am I impacting their lives? And more than that, am I impacting them in a positive way? I think oftentimes we can have tremendous impact, more than we know, and perhaps we need to be less worried with whether we're making an impact at all (Because I think we're ALL impacting in some form or another) and think more about the impact we ARE making, and whether or not it's positive.

If we all have an impact, if we all affect people somehow, are we having a positive effect or a negative one? I think that is the million dollar question.

xoxo,
Erika Rose <3

Relentless Pursuit

The thoughts on my heart tonight are this:

How lucky are we to be pursued by a Relentless Lover? Now, I know the image that comes to mind is probably somebody flying down a creepy, dark path, with some great shadowy figure in hot "pursuit," but that's NOT the image I'm thinking of. The image I'm thinking of is that of God, being likened to the Bride-Groom of the church. And He does pursue us relentlessly in this: No matter how times we mess up, God is ALWAYS there to forgive us. Always. It doesn't matter what we do, if you are a child of God, we have an unlimited number of second chances. His mercies truly ARE new every morning. How amazing is that? That no matter what we did the day before, we wake up in the morning with a clean slate, a blank page, a fresh start. God has forgiven and forgotten, and we get another chance to try and get it right, although of course, we'll never get it a hundred percent. And no matter HOW many times we fall, God is still there to pick us up.

I feel like that's a pretty great analogy: We're learning to walk, and well, we've all watched little kids try and learn to walk. They toddle around, take a few tentative steps, and usually end up falling onto their butt! Maybe they cry a little, maybe they sit a while, but then they get back up and start the process all over. And, as we grow older, we get better at walking, but sometimes, we still turf it. Sometimes we even biff it HARD, like, nose dive, face plant hard. How many times do we slip on a patch of ice, or trip over a rock, or step on our own shoe-laces. Or even just fall over the invisible lines? (I hope I'm not the only clutz who does this!) And it doesn't matter how many times we fall. It's not like we ever say to ourselves "Oh no, I fell down. Maybe I shouldn't get up. What if I fall again?!" We don't usually think much of it, we just get on up and keep walking, as if it never happened. But how many times, in the course of our lives, do we fall hard, spiritually, or emotionally, and have the desire to just not get back up again? We think "I'll only fall again, so why bother trying?" Why do we think this? It's never the thought that comes when we fall physically. It's just an undeniable part of life; it happens to the best of us. Maybe that needs to be more our attitude when we fall down in life. And here's another thought that I find rather inspiring. God always believes in us. God is always there whispering "Get back up. Try again. You can do it! I have faith in you!" Even when we can't hear it, He IS there.

And as I mentioned before, sometimes we we trip over things. Like the patch of ice you didn't know was there, or the rock that magically appears in your path. In life, how many of these are put there by Satan, just TRYING to trip us up? How often does he plant things in our path, just to test us? And how often, when we start to slip, do we reach for God, the way you reach toward a friend trying to keep your balance? Or do we more often just allow ourselves to fall, rather than deign to reach out to the One who can help us? Or sometimes, we trip over our shoe laces. How often do we leave loose ends hanging out for us to trip over later? How often do we procrastinate, put something off and put it off and put it off, until eventually we fall over it? Or do we allow things in our life that eventually trip us up? Or do we leave something out, forget to clean it up, that eventually ends up as an obstruction in our path? Where is your weakness? Where's that loose end that you don't tie up? Is it what flashes across your computer screen late at night when no one else is up? Or in the pages of the books you read? Or even in the words that come from the one un-tamable beast: what slips off your tongue? Or sometimes, we just fall, and there's no apparent reason. I thin, spiritually especially, this happens more often than maybe anything else. We're going along just fine, things are dandy, and then randomly, out of the blue, we just trip and SMACK, flat on our faces. We trip over our own feet, get in our own way, or fall for no apparent reason. It happens spiritually, too. We just hit a slump, and don't do the things we should.

Here's my last analogy: Sometimes we fall playing sports. Imagine a basketball or a football game. Intense, right? You're fighting for something! You want to WIN!! How often do we fight with something, battle? Sometimes, we fall doing battle for God. Our heart is in the right place, we're doing everything we should, you're playing your heart out, giving it all the guts you've got. And at the end, the score-board still shows the undeniable loss. Sometimes it happens, regardless of how hard we try. But the players, instead of getting frustrated (although they do) they don't quit. They just determine to do better next time! That needs to be our attitude. But. On the flip side, how often do we do battle with God? We have that pet sin that we just can't quite take that's "Not really that bad" or maybe you're one of those in the battle for your soul: God is trying to woo you, and you're fighting with everything you have, and you just end up falling flat on your face.

And so it comes full circle, because once again, can't we be thankful that we are pursued by the Relentless Lover? Now matter how often we fall, or mess up, God is ALWAYS there to pick us back up, set us on our feet, give us another shot. And for those of you out there who DON'T know Christ as your Savior, I believe He's pursuing you, too. He pursued you all the way to the cross. Can you imagine the kind of love that must take, to lay down your life for someone who doesn't even like you? Who even despises you, for we are told that we have despised God. THAT is the picture of the Relentless Lover. He pursues you without tiring, without ever giving up hope until the moment you take your last breath, because He pursued you all the way to the cross, just as He pursued me all the way to the cross, and as He even now pursues me, guiding me along this crazy path called life, and waiting patiently for me to return when I stray away, whispering, calling my name, urging me to come back to the path that's right...THAT, dear ones, is the picture of God's Relentless Pursuit.

xoxo,
Erika Rose

Here's My Life...

I found it a little harder to come back to Dickinson tonight. This song has been my anthem for a while, and I listened to it repeatedly on the (rather scary) drive home. Tonight, I wanted nothing more than to stay curled up in the recliner and watch a movie, or maybe play some board games with my parents. Anything except come back. I think the long break did it--so much time at home just sort of reminded me what I'm missing.

Dickinson isn't bad. I do love it here. It has become "home," of sorts, but ultimately, home is where your heart is, and I think my heart is definitely in Wibaux. I'm just dreading going back to school tomorrow. I'm not ready. I wish we had another week.

But I'm trying really hard not to complain, because I know I have been so blessed. And ultimately, that song is more than just an anthem, it's become a prayer. A reminder that I have given GOD my life, a reminder that He is the comforter, and that He has brought me to this place, and He will lead me through, as well. I have no choice but to obey His call on my life, and I will, with a glad heart, because THIS is where He wants me. THIS is where He has led me, and I refuse to start the year of 2011 by looking down, or back, or even ahead. I will live in the now, cherish every moment. I found a quote that's pretty applicable: "People are unhappy because they always think the past is better than it was, the present as worse than it is, and the future better than it will be." That's where I'm at. The present really isn't that bad. The past wasn't that great. And I'm probably building the future up and I'm only going to be disappointed. Which is why I need to sit back and just give God my heart, truly and completely. I hold onto my sadness and my fear instead of truly giving it back to God, and being content with where He has put me. And so that song becomes a constant prayer. "So once more, here's my life."

I think it's something that has to happen daily, giving our lives back to God, surrendering again. I think maybe it needs to be the first thing we do, before we even roll out of bed. Just whisper a quiet "Okay, God, this day is yours. My life is yours. Help me surrender." Perhaps that's a good New Years resolution. Regardless, I refuse to let life get me down--I will cling to God and know that He WILL see me through, just as He has every time in the past.

In other news, my friend that I've talked about so much, went through a phase where he decided to stop partying, but he's right back into it. I was talking to him at 4 a.m. (I was living up my last night of freedom before school, thus the late night) and he was just high as a kite, and I could just feel my heart literally breaking. I lay awake for a long while after I told him good night, agonizing, praying like I've never prayed before, and when I woke up this morning, it was the first thing on my mind, and it's been on my heart all day. Even when I was distracted by this whole coming back home business, it was in the back of my mind. Something HAS to change. NOW. I don't know why, but I just have this feeling that if he doesn't get his act together SOON, he's going to end up dead or in prison. It's time to take action. I have a whole little speech written out in my head, but I doubt it will go the way I want it to be, because things never do. And even so, I have to actually be able to TALK to him first. I haven't heard from him all day, which doesn't help the worry. I've just been praying furiously, and I ask you to join me in prayer. Keep him safe. Give me the words to say. Let him HEAR what I'm trying to tell him, what GOD is trying to tell him.

xoxo,
Erika Rose