Reminisce (Summer)

Well. I'm pretty proud of myself. I have faithfully kept my 365 Blog so far. Only missed one day, which, considering this is me we're talking about, is doing pretty well! If I do say so myself. lol. Basically, I feel like writing tonight, though, so I wanted to do something a little extra. haha.

I was just looking through Mrs. Pelis's photos (momma to my friends Brian and Danny) and came across some older pictures of Danny Boi. Brought back a whole slew of memories. Haha.

I just read a book by Sarah Dessen called "That Summer" and it's about this fifteen year old girl who can basically trace back all these sudden changes in her life to that one summer. Looking back now, the summer that Brian and Danny were up here was probably one of the greatest summers ever. It was so great to have a whole group of friends right at my fingertips. Like, sure, I've always been part of the school crowd, but I wasn't IN. It was like, that summer I had a gang all my own. Haha. Riding with Danny across the Airdome to Marisa's. Going to the House Bunny with a huge group of people. Heather randomly bursting out with "THAT'S WHERE HE LEARNED IT!" Sarah snitching drinks of Danny's milkshakes. Ha. Sitting up at the camper that last day just chilling out and trying not to roast. Haha. That was a great summer.

And the summer before that, meeting up with Sarah. Countless rides with her and Kali. Falling off Vegas in my English saddle. Falling off Filea bareback. ALMOST falling off Filea bareback when Ethan came out of the grass and spooked her. "FiLEEa!" Haha. Good memories.

It's funny how it seems like the best times of my life have been marked by summers. Horse shows, the trip to Missouri for Ben and Heather's wedding. (was in the springtime, but still) Seems like everything is marked by summers. That is our time, when everything important happens, it seems. All the biggest changes seem to come in the summer, or a little before. Sarah coming. Sarah leaving. Holly's wedding. Seems like all the major turning points are near that one season. Maybe that's why I love spring so much. Not just for the new grass smell and the feeling that everything is coming alive. And the mud. But because I know something new and exciting has to be just around the corner.

It's funny how I've only been alive for fifteen years, but I already have SO many memories crammed into that short amount of time. Good and bad, important and minor. I know life is jam packed with heartache, as it seems I've already discovered, to an extent, but there is so much out there left to discover. I'm not sure why I'm in such a sentimental mood tonight, but I Just have this feeling like the whole world is stretched out before my feet. Sarah and I have decided that so many things are changing, and changing fast, but I've learned that change is inevitable. It will come, whether I want it to or not, and no amount of fear or wishing or hoping or praying will stop that; it's part of life. The best thing we can do is face it head on. And for some reason, I have a feeling that things are changing, and changing FAST, but I'm running out to embrace them.

I've already made tons of memories that well last me forever, but I've only got fifteen candles on the cake, fifteen years' worth of memories; I can't wait to make a lifetime of them. <3

xoxo,
Erika Rose

365

So basically I'm referring you all to my new blog. I may still put stuff up on this one once in a while. I'm not sure yet. I haven't quite decided how I'm going to go about all this. If I have a special thought for the day or whatever, I may put it up here. However, my goal is to put up a post every day for a full year. So, here's the new blog:

Erika's 365!

Hope to see you all there. =D

xoxo

i hate...

I hate when a day is going fantastically and then something happens or you have to go somewhere and it just makes you feel like crap.
I hate when I start to cry over stupid crap during practice.
I hate when I wanna bite someone's head off because it makes me feel like a complete snot.
I hate when I know how to do something but I can't do it right.
I hate when I need my friends and they feel a million miles away.
i hate when I complain.
I hate when I'm in a bad mood.

I hate when I can't explain how I feel.

2010, Here I come.

Some look at the coming chapters in our lives with fear and some with regret
All I know is I don't have time to fret

I'm way too busy running out to meet this tidal wave
Way too ready to take on this change

Whatever it might be, whatever the future brings
Come storms and rainbows, I'm finding my voice and learning to sing

A whole 'nother year is behind me
And what will be will be

And some goodbyes are hard to bear
But there will be other chapters to share

This is not the end
Just a time to see what's around the next bend

A time to grow and find ourselves
A time to put old mistakes on the shelves

We're gonna take on the world
It's me and you girl

My friend, we're putting away all fear
'Cause baby girl, this is gonna be our year

Let's make the most of it.


That is basically exactly how I feel about the coming year. Like, so much is changing, and in some ways, I kind of feel like things are falling down around my ears, but I can't help thinking that it's not a bad thing! Like, it's happening so fast, and I'm losing touch with people I thought would be around forever, but I don't feel horrible about it, because it's like, it's a new chapter in our lives. It's just where our roads are taking us, and it happens to be in separate directions, but it's not anyone's fault. And it's like, a lot of them, I just have this feeling that it's temporary; they still have a role to play in my life. But if they don't, that's okay, too.

And it's like, I don't know why this feels like such a fresh year, but I am SO ready to take it on! Like, I know it's gonna be hard, and some of it is scary. And I'm with my best friend that it feels kind of like a tidal wave coming down over my head, and it is scary, but it's gonna be such a rush, too! So much fun! I'm in this moment right before it hits and you're holding your breath and just waiting...It's a good feeling.

So 2010, here I come! Bring it on!

I Will March On

I am reminded today that God is faithful. That's what I need to remember. There isn't anything happening in my life that God doesn't know about. He's not up in Heaven wringing his hands and saying "Oh dear, how could this have happened?" He knows my every thought and wish and prayer, and I will trust in Him. I will trust that this will all turn out right in the end. His right, not mine. And I will remember that even if this friendship doesn't end the way I'd like it to (Well, I'd really rather that it didn't end it all, but if it does...) I will remember that it IS right. It is in God's plan for me. He has plans to prosper me, not to harm me. In a few months, a few years, this won't be a big deal. I will keep telling myself that, and I will march on. Good night, world.

Some Lyrics

So these are some lyrics that I've been working on recently. I've kinda been on a role with the whole writing thing the last couple weeks. Haha, kinda proud of myself, to be honest. It's been a while since I could write anything quality. So anyway, these are the songs I've been working on. They don't actually have music yet, just the lyrics. One of these days Sarah and I are gonna get together and collaborate and get them some music, but if you're interested, here they are.

The Rest of my Life
I watched you climb my walls
Getting to know me as you went
Now I'm watching you scramble back over
As fast as you possibly can
I'm not sure exactly what scared you
Now I'm not sure what to do
'Cause

Chorus:
I can't stand to watch you walk away
But I know it's time to move on
I can't sit around waiting on you
It's time to get on with the rest of my life

I don't know what's out there
But I'm excited to find out
It's time to jump back into the water with both feet
We'll see what's out there waiting for me

Repeat Chorus

Tag
Who knows what's just around the next bend?
I pray we can remain friends
But if not, then so be it
'Cause

Repeat Chorus



I Am Yours
I hate looking at myself
'Cause I usually don't like what I see
So it blows me away that You would send Your Son to die for me
My life is hard, but nothing like that
You knew before time that there was no going back
And

Chorus:
Now you call me Yours
I am safe, protected, wanted
I am Yours
You pulled me from the darkness, led me to the light
And I am Yours

I'm selfish, insane, a little insecure
I'm always wishing I was just a little more like her
But I'm fearfully and wonderfully made
And she might still be in the darkness from where I came
'Cause

Repeat Chorus

The light is fading fast
But I know that I will last
'Cause I know I am Yours



There Hardly Ever Is
Change is good, something to be embraced
At least that's what I keep telling myself
Trying to keep on my brave face
I know I've changed, too
I know it isn't only you
But it's hard to see what you've become
Since you won't talk to me

Chorus:
I hate the distance that's come between us
And I wish there was an easy fix
But if you want to know the truth
There hardly ever is

Life throws curve balls at us all the time
And we just find the will to survive
Trust that someday the sun will shine
Even though it's hard to find it now
There is a silver lining, even to this cloud

Repeat Chorus

Tag:
All my problems seem larger than life
Without you here by my side
But I guess it's time to say goodbye

Repeat Chorus

Obligation is the stupidest word ever....

I HATE the word obligation. Well, no, I don't. I don't mind obligation. Like my obligations to go to choir every day. But I hate when people feel that it applies to them concerning me. Like when people feel obligated to call me. When, really, they're not. I couldn't care LESS whether they called or not. Well, I probably could, but still. I'd honestly rather they didn't call at all than simply calling out of obligation. I don't know why it bothers me so much. I guess because I want to feel like my friends are actually friends, rather than just friends because they feel "obligated" for whatever reason.

And just for the record, if you're reading this, think how degrading it is to wonder if you're just calling because she told you to. Not because you just want to talk to me, or even because you're BORED (although I gotta say, that one bothered me a bit, too. I'm just the object that keeps you from being bored? Like a game of cards or a computer? Yeah. Thanks.) Still, I hate that you just call when someone tells you to.

And you know, who knows. I may be blowing it way out of proportion. Maybe you don't feel obligated at all and you really did just call because you wanted to, but where does the fact that I even have to wonder put us? I'm not as bothered as I sound, I promise. You can do whatever you freaking want and it's certainly no skin off my nose. But for future reference, don't call out of some stupid save the world complex obligation. It drives me up the wall, and honestly, now be ready for this, because the truth hurts, but I really don't NEED you.

Gah. The teenage years. Although, I'm starting to wonder, does stupid stuff like this really end when you get out of the teens? I mean, I used to think so, but I gotta admit, I'm not really so sure anymore. lol. It's like that saying. "Growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional." Huh. Thought for the day, I guess. <3