Viva and I had our first official detox ride tonight.
I had spent the last slightly less than 24 hours being counselor to some friends, worrying and praying and crying out to God (Check the Issues of Freewill Blog and you'll see what I'm talking about). It's hard, and it's a great experience, because I know it draws me closer to God. And it makes me feel useful, and needed, and we all like to feel needed sometimes. But. Let's face it. Experiences like that are exhausting, physically, emotionally, spiritually.
For a long time now, horses have been my detox for those times, my way to get a perspective, get back down to earth. Unfortunately, my previous detox horse, Vegas, is getting sort of old, and I can't really just set her into a lope for miles and miles anymore.
It takes a pretty broke horse to be a detox horse. It just doesn't have the same cleansing effect if you're trying to do training or something. But today, I just went out to the pasture and piled on Viva, no ground work or anything, and rode her back to the house. Thought to myself, "Well, I left all the gates open, so let's try it." After I got her to stop stalling up and settle into her stride, she did fantastic. Flawless. Perfect. We just walked and trotted, but she was happy as a clam, didn't put a foot wrong. Had to look at the culvert kinda cross-eyed, but most horses do. We rode to the highway and back, a good two mile trip, all totaled. It was fabulous.
It's just a reminder to me, I guess, that God is still in control, that He allows me quiet moments and solid horses to get me through the tough times. It's a way to get my world back in orbit, to get perspective, a time to pray and appreciate God's creation.
And I felt so connected with Viv when we were done. Like, I haven't felt that close to her since she was like, a weanling. haha. She was all snuggly and she was all looking at me as I walked away. I know she doesn't feel human emotions or anything, but still, it was kinda sad. =P
At any rate, it was exactly what I needed. I don't know why riding helps me straighten all the thoughts in my head and get a grip on life, but it does, and I needed that today. I feel like I got a lot of the world's evil thrown at me in a small space of time. Sometimes we just need a reminder that there is still good in the world, as well.
And once again, I'm asking you guys to pray. Nothing causes change like prayer. "P.U.S.H. Pray Until Something Happens" and I know that groups praying are stronger than just one person. I've never met someone as lost as the boy I was talking about in my last blog. It breaks my heart, and it's one of those things that is so frustrating because there's so little I can do, expect be a good friend, and pray that God will work in his life. I'm trying very hard not to worry, because I know all about worry, and I just found myself wishing I was God so I could fix it...how blasphemous is that? lol. At any rate, I've made it my goal to pray every time I want to worry.
Anyway, love you all.
xoxo,
Erika Rose <3
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Issues of Free Will
So. Since last night, I've been trying to reconcile some things in my head. Namely, the image of God I KNOW to be true, a God who is perfect, and holy, who abhors sin and who comforts the weak and down trodden. For a while, I couldn't reconcile that with a God who allows a mother to beat her 9 year old daughter, who allows her boyfriend to beat her son when he steps in to make a difference. How can my loving, wonderful, perfect, all-powerful, all-knowing God allow THAT to happen? Because the "We live in a fallen world" line just wasn't really cutting it anymore.
The conclusion I came to was relatively simple, I guess, maybe because it's something I've spent so long trying to reconcile. My conclusion was, it all comes back to free will. I've struggled with that for a long time, but it explains the allowance of sin.
If God loves us enough to let us be free, to make our own decisions, it means he certainly wouldn't impose His will on a non-Christian. And I realized He wouldn't be the God I love and serve if He did. Maybe it's just my pride speaking, but I don't like thinking of myself as a puppet on a string.
I've been thinking, too, about whether praying for the salvation of a non-Christian friend imposes on their free will. The term Grandpa Zimm answered me with was "Convict, not Coerce." I liked that. The way Mom put it to me was that He sends His Spirit to convict them, but it doesn't FORCE them to accept His salvation in any way shape or form. The responsibility still rests with them.
So I guess those are my thoughts for the last little while.
And while we're here, I guess I'd like to send out another prayer request for my friend. He needs God. What more can I say?
xoxo,
Erika Rose <3
The conclusion I came to was relatively simple, I guess, maybe because it's something I've spent so long trying to reconcile. My conclusion was, it all comes back to free will. I've struggled with that for a long time, but it explains the allowance of sin.
If God loves us enough to let us be free, to make our own decisions, it means he certainly wouldn't impose His will on a non-Christian. And I realized He wouldn't be the God I love and serve if He did. Maybe it's just my pride speaking, but I don't like thinking of myself as a puppet on a string.
I've been thinking, too, about whether praying for the salvation of a non-Christian friend imposes on their free will. The term Grandpa Zimm answered me with was "Convict, not Coerce." I liked that. The way Mom put it to me was that He sends His Spirit to convict them, but it doesn't FORCE them to accept His salvation in any way shape or form. The responsibility still rests with them.
So I guess those are my thoughts for the last little while.
And while we're here, I guess I'd like to send out another prayer request for my friend. He needs God. What more can I say?
xoxo,
Erika Rose <3
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Bring the Rain
"So I pray
Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise you
Then Jesus bring the rain."
This song is becoming yet another of my many anthems, I guess. I just love it. I hope that I have that kind of heart. And obviously, none of us wants God to bring the rain, but we know that life in general brings rain, and so I hope that this is my attitude -- Rain is inevitable, but it's a chance to bring God glory, and if that's what it takes, so be it.
I guess the experiences of the past summer, and not even the summer, but the past couple of years, have cemented in my mind a couple of facts.
1.) God DOES have a plan (Even when we can't fathom what it could POSSIBLY be)
2.) God WILL be glorified, no matter the outcome.
I felt for a long time like this summer's events were a complete and utter failure, and I wrestled for a long time with the HEAD knowledge that God will be glorified without being able to reconcile it in my heart. For a long time, I just didn't understand how God could be glorified in the situations that have unfolded, but I realized a couple more things.
1.) God will (hopefully) be glorified in MY life.
If I am giving God the glory, and if I am keeping my eyes on Him, then God IS being glorified, even in the midst of the storm, through me.
2.) Things are only just beginning, not the end. God will STILL be glorified.
It's sort of like "Things will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end!" We KNOW who wins in the end, and that's all we need to know.
And I've struggled for a while with what I'm supposed to do. Yet another struggle of mine has been the fact that I feel like I somehow personally failed. I feel in some ways I let my classmates down. That's probably the biggest one, but it's among others. I just feel that things have backfired so horribly that the whole dang thing is just a failure! But once again, God will be glorified in MY life, and I"m also realizing something else.
I realized that maybe my ministry in Wibaux is done. I don't know. Maybe not. If God sends me back to Wibaux, I will go. Albeit, not happily. But at least for this particular moment, my ministry is HERE, in Dickinson, and I Need to just grow where God has planted me, so to speak. I've been resting in the assurance that I am where God wants me, but I haven't been RESTING in it, you know? I've still been looking back, sort of. But I realized that maybe my experiences aren't so much to make a change in Wibaux (although I still hope and pray that it will yet bring a revival there) but maybe more that the whole thing is supposed to effect lives through the STORY, rather than the actual experience.
I guess what I'm saying is that what God's been putting on my heart is that even though for me, at this point, the experience seems over, it's not like it's no longer useful because I'm not there effecting it now. But maybe I'm supposed to use those experiences where I am. I'm hoping that God gave me these experiences so that someone else can relate to me.
It's given me answers to some of the hard questions, and it's given me an answer to give when people ask "Why do you believe what you believe?" "How do you know God exists?" It used to be I couldn't REALLY answer those. Not solidly. Not in a way that someone else would really believe. But now I can, because it's right there in my testimony. THIS is why I believe what I believe. THIS is how I know God exists, THIS is why I'm sure He cares and why I am absolutely 110% positive He has a plan for literally EVERYTHING.
And I realized, too, that I've sort of been hording my gifts and my stories. God's been putting it on my heart for a couple weeks that my ministry at this point is through my story and my music, and so I think I'm going to get a chance to share my testimony and hopefully do some praise team for church and stuff, too. =]
We talked about having a servant's heart, like I said in my last blog, and I realized that I'm always happiest when I'm serving someone else, and so I need to be using what I've been given...
This turned out to be a novel and it's probably hard to read and all over the place because I was having a hard time putting things into words, but I guess that's all for now. =]
xoxo,
Erika Rose
Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise you
Then Jesus bring the rain."
This song is becoming yet another of my many anthems, I guess. I just love it. I hope that I have that kind of heart. And obviously, none of us wants God to bring the rain, but we know that life in general brings rain, and so I hope that this is my attitude -- Rain is inevitable, but it's a chance to bring God glory, and if that's what it takes, so be it.
I guess the experiences of the past summer, and not even the summer, but the past couple of years, have cemented in my mind a couple of facts.
1.) God DOES have a plan (Even when we can't fathom what it could POSSIBLY be)
2.) God WILL be glorified, no matter the outcome.
I felt for a long time like this summer's events were a complete and utter failure, and I wrestled for a long time with the HEAD knowledge that God will be glorified without being able to reconcile it in my heart. For a long time, I just didn't understand how God could be glorified in the situations that have unfolded, but I realized a couple more things.
1.) God will (hopefully) be glorified in MY life.
If I am giving God the glory, and if I am keeping my eyes on Him, then God IS being glorified, even in the midst of the storm, through me.
2.) Things are only just beginning, not the end. God will STILL be glorified.
It's sort of like "Things will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end!" We KNOW who wins in the end, and that's all we need to know.
And I've struggled for a while with what I'm supposed to do. Yet another struggle of mine has been the fact that I feel like I somehow personally failed. I feel in some ways I let my classmates down. That's probably the biggest one, but it's among others. I just feel that things have backfired so horribly that the whole dang thing is just a failure! But once again, God will be glorified in MY life, and I"m also realizing something else.
I realized that maybe my ministry in Wibaux is done. I don't know. Maybe not. If God sends me back to Wibaux, I will go. Albeit, not happily. But at least for this particular moment, my ministry is HERE, in Dickinson, and I Need to just grow where God has planted me, so to speak. I've been resting in the assurance that I am where God wants me, but I haven't been RESTING in it, you know? I've still been looking back, sort of. But I realized that maybe my experiences aren't so much to make a change in Wibaux (although I still hope and pray that it will yet bring a revival there) but maybe more that the whole thing is supposed to effect lives through the STORY, rather than the actual experience.
I guess what I'm saying is that what God's been putting on my heart is that even though for me, at this point, the experience seems over, it's not like it's no longer useful because I'm not there effecting it now. But maybe I'm supposed to use those experiences where I am. I'm hoping that God gave me these experiences so that someone else can relate to me.
It's given me answers to some of the hard questions, and it's given me an answer to give when people ask "Why do you believe what you believe?" "How do you know God exists?" It used to be I couldn't REALLY answer those. Not solidly. Not in a way that someone else would really believe. But now I can, because it's right there in my testimony. THIS is why I believe what I believe. THIS is how I know God exists, THIS is why I'm sure He cares and why I am absolutely 110% positive He has a plan for literally EVERYTHING.
And I realized, too, that I've sort of been hording my gifts and my stories. God's been putting it on my heart for a couple weeks that my ministry at this point is through my story and my music, and so I think I'm going to get a chance to share my testimony and hopefully do some praise team for church and stuff, too. =]
We talked about having a servant's heart, like I said in my last blog, and I realized that I'm always happiest when I'm serving someone else, and so I need to be using what I've been given...
This turned out to be a novel and it's probably hard to read and all over the place because I was having a hard time putting things into words, but I guess that's all for now. =]
xoxo,
Erika Rose
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Intense, Incredible, Ridiculous amounts of excitement...
So. I messaged my cabin from camp this summer first, because I PROMISED them they would be the first to know, but then I jogged right on over here to post a blog about it, because I'm just THAT excited.
I finally finished the song that I've been working on since camp this summer. I've had the words finished for forever and the tune for quite a while, but I finally got around to actually getting music for it! I'm SOOO excited. It has guitar chords and everything.
Video on Facebook to follow sometime in the near future. If not tonight then hopefully tomorrow. So. Yes. That is all. I just had to post...
EDIT:
Here are the words. Like I said, video to follow.
Oh, it's titled Give it Up
You've been my friend for a while now
And I can't even tell you how
How much I've come, to care for you
But I know you're not walking in the truth
In the light of His love
Friend He loves you so much
I can't tell you how much
Chorus:
Let go of all your burdens and your shame
Because I know you feel it
My friend you'll never be the same
So give it up, give it up
Give it back to God, back to God
And just give it up
Friend I think you're searching
In all the wrong locations
The world cannot replace
God's grace
He can take away your sin
Make you new again
Bridge:
It breaks my heart o know
That if you go
You'll have nothing to show
To the Holy God, my Mighty God
Friend make Him yours
And just give it up...
I finally finished the song that I've been working on since camp this summer. I've had the words finished for forever and the tune for quite a while, but I finally got around to actually getting music for it! I'm SOOO excited. It has guitar chords and everything.
Video on Facebook to follow sometime in the near future. If not tonight then hopefully tomorrow. So. Yes. That is all. I just had to post...
EDIT:
Here are the words. Like I said, video to follow.
Oh, it's titled Give it Up
You've been my friend for a while now
And I can't even tell you how
How much I've come, to care for you
But I know you're not walking in the truth
In the light of His love
Friend He loves you so much
I can't tell you how much
Chorus:
Let go of all your burdens and your shame
Because I know you feel it
My friend you'll never be the same
So give it up, give it up
Give it back to God, back to God
And just give it up
Friend I think you're searching
In all the wrong locations
The world cannot replace
God's grace
He can take away your sin
Make you new again
Bridge:
It breaks my heart o know
That if you go
You'll have nothing to show
To the Holy God, my Mighty God
Friend make Him yours
And just give it up...
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Hope...
So today I have been pondering hope, and how so many of the people I know are completely and utterly hopeLESS. I think this is so sad and tragic, because hope s right at their fingertips, in easy grasp. It's like...well, I don't remember who was saying it, but someone said it, that if you seek, you WILL find, because God WANTS to be found.
I just don't know how they can live like that. There is no meaning in life to them, no point, no purpose. I can't really fathom how they live like that. I guess I was blessed enough to be born into a Christian family where I never really had those questions--well, I did, but there was always an answer right at my finger tips. I only had to ask and someone told. I think I've taken that so much for granted.
But the bottom line is, what do I do about it now? The biggest thing on my heart lately has been to pray. I've been trying to be a prayer warrior, which is super-duper hard for me, because I'm a little ADD about that sort of thing, but I know it's the best thing I can do, other than be a friend to them.
At FCA today (Fellowship of Christian Athletes) we talked about having a servant's heart; what it means to be a servant and how we apply it to our every day lives. And I had the greatest quote in my devos this morning--"God isn't looking for ability, He's searching for availability." Sort of like "God doesn't choose the qualified, He qualifies the chosen." And so I am making it my deepest effort to be a servant, and to be available to God whenever, wherever, no matter what. I want to have a servant's heart and I want to seek God, and I want to be a prayer warrior.
So I guess I'd invite you to pray with me. Pray for the people I don't feel I should mention on the internet, but who are very specific in my mind and who need God's hope and peace desperately. Pray for me, as I trudge on the journey God has set before my feet, that He would use me, that I would be an instrument He can use, clay in the Potter's hands. And know that I'm praying for you, too, whoever you are, all the people out there who read my blog.
Love you all so much.
Erika Rose
I just don't know how they can live like that. There is no meaning in life to them, no point, no purpose. I can't really fathom how they live like that. I guess I was blessed enough to be born into a Christian family where I never really had those questions--well, I did, but there was always an answer right at my finger tips. I only had to ask and someone told. I think I've taken that so much for granted.
But the bottom line is, what do I do about it now? The biggest thing on my heart lately has been to pray. I've been trying to be a prayer warrior, which is super-duper hard for me, because I'm a little ADD about that sort of thing, but I know it's the best thing I can do, other than be a friend to them.
At FCA today (Fellowship of Christian Athletes) we talked about having a servant's heart; what it means to be a servant and how we apply it to our every day lives. And I had the greatest quote in my devos this morning--"God isn't looking for ability, He's searching for availability." Sort of like "God doesn't choose the qualified, He qualifies the chosen." And so I am making it my deepest effort to be a servant, and to be available to God whenever, wherever, no matter what. I want to have a servant's heart and I want to seek God, and I want to be a prayer warrior.
So I guess I'd invite you to pray with me. Pray for the people I don't feel I should mention on the internet, but who are very specific in my mind and who need God's hope and peace desperately. Pray for me, as I trudge on the journey God has set before my feet, that He would use me, that I would be an instrument He can use, clay in the Potter's hands. And know that I'm praying for you, too, whoever you are, all the people out there who read my blog.
Love you all so much.
Erika Rose
Monday, October 4, 2010
My Name is Erika...
My name is Erika Rose Scammon.
I just turned sixteen, on the first of October.
I have brown hair and hazel eyes.
I'm of average height, and pretty much just your average girl.
I love music.
I do my best to live my life for God.
I take everyone at face value.
I'm not one to worry about what anyone says about me.
Or about you, for that matter.
I'm loyal to my fault.
I'll stick up for my friends no matter what.
I can't just walk away from anything.
I'm not shy about voicing my opinions.
I don't start fights
but I will be the one to finish it.
I can't hold a grudge to save my life.
I can get along with anyone.
It's easier for me to make friends than enemies.
I believe in true love and happy endings.
I have a lot of convictions
and I stand by them pretty passionately.
I love dogs.
I have lots of random pet peeves.
It's dead sexy when guys get the door.
I have a thing for nice hands
oh, and pretty eyes.
I'm a bit of a bleeding heart.
In some senses, I'm an easy person to know
on the other hand, I keep a lot close to my chest.
I like to think I'm artsy, but I know I'm probably not.
I enjoy writing. Obviously or I wouldn't have a blog.
I love proper grammar and punctuation.
I wish that I could move well enough to be a dancer.
I don't lack in self confidence
most of the time.
I'm kinda a hopeless optimist.
I try and see the good in everyone.
I'm a hopeless romantic.
I would pretty much die before letting a friend down.
I'm running out of things to say about myself, but
this was certainly an interesting soul search. =]
I just turned sixteen, on the first of October.
I have brown hair and hazel eyes.
I'm of average height, and pretty much just your average girl.
I love music.
I do my best to live my life for God.
I take everyone at face value.
I'm not one to worry about what anyone says about me.
Or about you, for that matter.
I'm loyal to my fault.
I'll stick up for my friends no matter what.
I can't just walk away from anything.
I'm not shy about voicing my opinions.
I don't start fights
but I will be the one to finish it.
I can't hold a grudge to save my life.
I can get along with anyone.
It's easier for me to make friends than enemies.
I believe in true love and happy endings.
I have a lot of convictions
and I stand by them pretty passionately.
I love dogs.
I have lots of random pet peeves.
It's dead sexy when guys get the door.
I have a thing for nice hands
oh, and pretty eyes.
I'm a bit of a bleeding heart.
In some senses, I'm an easy person to know
on the other hand, I keep a lot close to my chest.
I like to think I'm artsy, but I know I'm probably not.
I enjoy writing. Obviously or I wouldn't have a blog.
I love proper grammar and punctuation.
I wish that I could move well enough to be a dancer.
I don't lack in self confidence
most of the time.
I'm kinda a hopeless optimist.
I try and see the good in everyone.
I'm a hopeless romantic.
I would pretty much die before letting a friend down.
I'm running out of things to say about myself, but
this was certainly an interesting soul search. =]
Saturday, October 2, 2010
I'm SIxteen...
That is so weird. Like. I'M SIXTEEN!! lol. Everyone always asked me on my birthday if I felt any different and I never did, and I don't feel different, but it's just...weird that I'm sixteen. Like, even thirteen didn't feel this weird. I feel like this is such a big step. Sixteen year olds always seemed so old and mature to me when I was younger. Now I'm one of them...hahahaha.
I'm so excited, though. I feel like I'm in such a good place right now. I guess maybe, well, no, a huge part of it is that I have the assurance that this is where God wants me. This is the right choice. There's always blessing in that, comfort. I guess I sort of feel like that for the past couple of years, it's been storm after storm, but now everything's coming right again and straightening out. I feel like my relationship with God is stronger than it's ever been, and I think having a solid youth group with other Christian kids is a huge part of that for me. It's like, these people understand where I'm at because we're all in the same boat.
I'm just feeling super optimistic. This is gonna be a good year. =]
xoxo,
Erika Rose <3
I'm so excited, though. I feel like I'm in such a good place right now. I guess maybe, well, no, a huge part of it is that I have the assurance that this is where God wants me. This is the right choice. There's always blessing in that, comfort. I guess I sort of feel like that for the past couple of years, it's been storm after storm, but now everything's coming right again and straightening out. I feel like my relationship with God is stronger than it's ever been, and I think having a solid youth group with other Christian kids is a huge part of that for me. It's like, these people understand where I'm at because we're all in the same boat.
I'm just feeling super optimistic. This is gonna be a good year. =]
xoxo,
Erika Rose <3
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