Of riding and horses and children....

Well. What a crazy couple of days. I have spent the last two days out at Petermann Ranch, mostly babysittng. There was six kids. Yes, SIX of them! Heckers' three kids, as well as three belonging to Bill's friend. Bill and Parker (the friend) were helping break colts, and they needed somebody to look after the kids. Well. I was it. So, I ran herd on those six kids for he last two mornings. It wasn't so bad. A really messy diaper, some wet pants, and some general ruckus whining and crying was about the extent of the excitement. =D

I ended up spending last night out there as well. Went riding last night with Heidi, and again this morning. It was a grand time. Man, it sure is pretty country down south of town. Canyons, and such. Almost like the badlands. Way fun to ride through.

And. I guess nothing terribly eventful happened. I'm now heading to bed because I still have to do devos and journal. Still, I just wanted to put something up to prove that I AM gonna keep up with this. Or at least that I haven't forgotten. ;]

xoxo,
Me

Verse of the Day

So. My verse of the day is something that I've been doing inconsistently for a while now. Usually when I was feeling down, I'd go find a verse that spoke to me and was encouraging, but I've decided I want to do something like that EVERY day. I write it on the back of my hand so I don't forget the reference. Anyway, so I figure if I start putting it out on the web, there's a little more accountability for me to keep doing it every day. So anyway. Here's today's verse.

"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful."

Hewbrews 10:23

"Don't Worry...Just Keep Believing"

Well. Once again. It's been a while. But I guess that's okay. I just spent some time making my blog look pretty, and I gotta say, I'm quite happy with the results. I've pretty much spent the entire day looking for something to do. I've been in an awful mood, and it was bad enough that I CLEANED!! I started with my room. Then I cleaned the bathroom. Tub, sink, toilet, everything. Then I swept the kitchen, and vacuumed the rugs. And I dusted. And then I went and drove around. And then I came home and worked on my blog. I took movies and books and stuff back, at some point. And. That's pretty much been my entire day.

I hate being in bad moods. Hate, hate, HATE them. I don't like myself, for one thing, because I feel like I'm just a twit to everyone, and it's a sucky feeling anyway.

It seems like everything falls apart at the same time. My friends are struggling, I'm struggling, there's things I feel convicted to do but as yet have not figured out how to go about doing them. I can't really help my friends when I'm in such a state of mind, and it just makes me feel worse knowing that they feel bad. If I have to feel bad, it's nice to know that at least my friends are all okay. But that's not the case. I guess such is life.

I spent some time with my guitar today. It's funny how music brings so much peace for me. I guess it's just a reminder that I've been given a gift, and I guess one of the biggest ways God speaks to me has always been through music. Probably always will be. There's just something about singing to yourself that your God is mighty to save, that we can come as we are to worship, and that His love is unending and His grace is amazing. I guess just a reminder that God hasn't lost control of this big old world, even though it feels like things are falling apart.

The time is drawing near to start making decisions, and I don't feel that I'm ready to make them, but they have to be made nonetheless, and so I will make them, for better or worse, even though I don't even want to face the idea yet. Que sera sera. What will be will be. "Don't worry...Just keep on believing." I think that's one of the most simplistic, powerful statements I've ever heard in a sermon. "Don't worry...Just keep on believing."

And so I will. I will believe that God has a plan for my friends who are struggling, for the friends who don't know Him. I will trust the fact that He loves them even more than I do, even though that is so hard for me to wrap my mind around, because I love passionately. I will trust that God has a plan for my life, whatever this coming year brings. I will trust that He will use me for His purposes, because he always receives the glory in the end. I will trust that my conviction to be more proactive, instead of just reactive, is truly a conviction, and something I need to act upon. I will trust that God will show me how He wants me to act upon that conviction, even though I don't have the slightest inkling as of now.

I will make an honest effort not to worry, because worry is sin.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Philippians 4:6

God tells us directly not to be anxious about anything, which is a direct commandment. Therefor, we should not worry, or we are disobedient. Also, by worrying, we try and make ourselves God. It says to God, "I think I can handle this better than You." Some of the great thoughts I was met with while at camp this summer.

And so. I will try not to worry, even though I'm a worry-wart by nature and feel a need to fix everything and make everyone feel better. My challenge, I guess, for the time being is going to be this:

Every time I start to worry about something, I'm going to pray about it instead.

And. I guess. That's all I have for today. Now that I've rambled on and on and on. Haha.

xoxo,
Erika Rose

Rawr.

I burned my bagel this morning. That's about how last night and this day have gone. So far, which is sad, because it's barely even stated; it's only quarter to ten. I got into a fight with a friend last night and it was STUPID, stupid, stupid, and I'm pretty sure he's all pissed off, which means I'm just feeling terrible. Particularly because I deserve it. It's always one thing for me if somebody is just being pissy, but when I deserve the anger it sucks. So basically I tossed and turned until..well, I don't know when, exactly, but I was still WIDE awake at 1:30 this morning. Got up at 6:30 this morning to come to Glendive for a basketball game that we didn't even play because the other team didn't show. So we scrimmaged instead, and I HATE scrimmaging. So. Anyway. We play again at 11, noon, and three. I'm currently at Book n Bear Nook, where there is free Wi-Fi waiting to go back to the games. I'm running out of pictures to look through, though, and I dunno what I'm gonna do then. Nobody's texting me back, either. Ohhhh well. I go back to the gym in half an hour, so, tootles!

xoxo,
Me <3

It's Been a While

So. It's been a while since I got on here. Obviously the 365 day blog was an epic failure on my part. I suck at following through on stuff like that. Obviously. I always have. In fact, I've never had much self control. But. I'm in a super good, semi-hyper mood right now, and am really tempted to put up ridiculous amounts of status updates on facebook. Soooo I'm taking pity on the facebook population and doing a Blogspot post instead!

I just think that I should start by mentioning that whole "If you like this status I'll pst on your wall what I like about you" thing? Well, it is INTENSELY hard! Not because I don't like the people or anything, but just because it's so hard to nail down ONE thing about them. Like, I just love THEM, I don't love any one thing in particular about them. So. That's been intensely challenging. But then, I've always been up for a good challenge. ;]

And now the Birnel children are here, so I should probably go be a good little babysitter and watch Night ath the Museum.

Seriously, though, I'll try and keep up with this better and get a new post up every couple of days at least. I feel like I've been neglecting the poor Blogspot. It's all sad now. =] Ohh well.

Love you guys!

xoxo,
Me <3

Holding On to Optimism

I am working so hard to hold onto the optimism I was showing during that last post. I'm still feeling kind of overwhelmed. I just need to get caught up on math and it will all be good. I think I have a study date at the Flying J tomorrow. Baha. We'll see..

Both my parents are feeling pretty gross today, so I'm hoping I don't catch whatever they have. I'm feeling pretty good right now, so hopefully I'll be able to hold onto that.

There are 51 days of school left, and 95 until I head to camp in Ekalaka. I am so jazzed. lol. I keep looking forward to the future, though; I'm having issues with the present. I want school to be over. It just feels like I have absolutely no life while I'm in school, and it sucks. I hate it. lol. Now that basketball's over, it's like, there isn't even any draw to school. It just sucks. =S Ohhh well. I'm getting so close to the end. The end of third quarter is this coming Friday, and I think this week will go by fast. Then we're into fourth quarter! Hurray!

So. I guess I will pray and hold onto my optimism, and hopefully my health. Anybody up for praying with me?

xoxo,
Erika Rose

Reminisce (Summer)

Well. I'm pretty proud of myself. I have faithfully kept my 365 Blog so far. Only missed one day, which, considering this is me we're talking about, is doing pretty well! If I do say so myself. lol. Basically, I feel like writing tonight, though, so I wanted to do something a little extra. haha.

I was just looking through Mrs. Pelis's photos (momma to my friends Brian and Danny) and came across some older pictures of Danny Boi. Brought back a whole slew of memories. Haha.

I just read a book by Sarah Dessen called "That Summer" and it's about this fifteen year old girl who can basically trace back all these sudden changes in her life to that one summer. Looking back now, the summer that Brian and Danny were up here was probably one of the greatest summers ever. It was so great to have a whole group of friends right at my fingertips. Like, sure, I've always been part of the school crowd, but I wasn't IN. It was like, that summer I had a gang all my own. Haha. Riding with Danny across the Airdome to Marisa's. Going to the House Bunny with a huge group of people. Heather randomly bursting out with "THAT'S WHERE HE LEARNED IT!" Sarah snitching drinks of Danny's milkshakes. Ha. Sitting up at the camper that last day just chilling out and trying not to roast. Haha. That was a great summer.

And the summer before that, meeting up with Sarah. Countless rides with her and Kali. Falling off Vegas in my English saddle. Falling off Filea bareback. ALMOST falling off Filea bareback when Ethan came out of the grass and spooked her. "FiLEEa!" Haha. Good memories.

It's funny how it seems like the best times of my life have been marked by summers. Horse shows, the trip to Missouri for Ben and Heather's wedding. (was in the springtime, but still) Seems like everything is marked by summers. That is our time, when everything important happens, it seems. All the biggest changes seem to come in the summer, or a little before. Sarah coming. Sarah leaving. Holly's wedding. Seems like all the major turning points are near that one season. Maybe that's why I love spring so much. Not just for the new grass smell and the feeling that everything is coming alive. And the mud. But because I know something new and exciting has to be just around the corner.

It's funny how I've only been alive for fifteen years, but I already have SO many memories crammed into that short amount of time. Good and bad, important and minor. I know life is jam packed with heartache, as it seems I've already discovered, to an extent, but there is so much out there left to discover. I'm not sure why I'm in such a sentimental mood tonight, but I Just have this feeling like the whole world is stretched out before my feet. Sarah and I have decided that so many things are changing, and changing fast, but I've learned that change is inevitable. It will come, whether I want it to or not, and no amount of fear or wishing or hoping or praying will stop that; it's part of life. The best thing we can do is face it head on. And for some reason, I have a feeling that things are changing, and changing FAST, but I'm running out to embrace them.

I've already made tons of memories that well last me forever, but I've only got fifteen candles on the cake, fifteen years' worth of memories; I can't wait to make a lifetime of them. <3

xoxo,
Erika Rose